Omega Owners Forum

Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: maria on 23 August 2008, 20:03:02

Title: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 20:03:02
Three women are comparing their blokes' love techniques to cars,

The first women says: Mine's like a rolls- Royce, smooth and  
sophisticated,

The second boasts: mine's like a Ferrari, fast and powerful,

' Well, mine's like an old Morris minor, sighs the third,

You have to start him by hand and jump on when he gets going....
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Minispud on 23 August 2008, 20:19:13
hahaha  :(
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Minispud on 23 August 2008, 20:20:53
Why are bloke jokes simple  :exclamation







 So woman can understand them  :) :)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Bandit127 on 23 August 2008, 20:45:17
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Why are bloke jokes simple  :exclamation







 So woman can understand them  :) :)


Nice though but, somehow, it still doesn't work.  ;)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 22:07:30
Nice one Maria.  Anymore.   ;D ;D ;D :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:21:17
A nurse walks into a bank, exhausted after a long shift,
Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer
out of her bag and tries to write with it,
Realising her mistake, She says to the bank clerk,
Ho, that's just great, Some arsehole got my pen!



Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 22:23:50
Oh Maria, yer on a run.  Please keep posting.

Theyre good one's.   ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: LJay on 23 August 2008, 22:24:07
Loved that last one maria! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Brian T on 23 August 2008, 22:28:39
Brilliant... My Daughter in Laws a Nurse she'll love that! ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: waspy on 23 August 2008, 22:39:12
 :y :y :y ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:41:57
Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to Lick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.


Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 22:43:43


Excellent.   ;D ;D ;D :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: waspy on 23 August 2008, 22:44:40
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Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand,but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




 :o :o :o :o :( :'( Shouldn't that say lick  :-/ or maybe you're right
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:45:54
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Quote
Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand,but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




 :o :o :o :o :( :'( Shouldn't that say lick  :-/ or maybe you're right


No it should say " like " i have put it right lol

Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 22:46:18
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Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




slight typo I hope, are is James into some freaky stuff? :o
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:46:57
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Quote
Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




slight typo I hope, are is James into some freaky stuff? :o

 :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 22:49:06
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Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




slight typo I hope, are is James into some freaky stuff? :o

Now now, what they get up to behind closed doors and all that.   ;D :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 22:51:31
Quote
Quote
Quote
Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




slight typo I hope, are is James into some freaky stuff? :o

Now now, what they get up to behind closed doors........

.........is everybodies business! lol

Just kiddin maria, kick away in private, luv!  ;)  :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:53:09
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Quote
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Five Reasons why dogs are better than men.....


1  Dogs listen, They may not actually understand, but at least they listen.

2  Dogs never expect you to kick their testicles, they are happy to do
that for themselves.

3  Dogs never blame you if they can't find things they've lost.

4  Dogs love you, whatever size or shape you are.

5  Dogs' toys are cheap.




slight typo I hope, are is James into some freaky stuff? :o

Now now, what they get up to behind closed doors........

.........is everybodies business! lol

Just kiddin maria, kick away in private, luv!  ;)  :y

I know you was just jokking gaffers, i dont take it to heart :)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 22:53:25
You know Maria has ordered a latex set of overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 22:55:24
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:01:11
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 23:02:47
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:07:22
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 23:14:39
Here you go gaffers, a girl in uniform, treat your missus
(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/16234021ic.jpg)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:14:42
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Gaffers I'm just changing the subject slightly but as you know now that i have got a wii , if and when james come over to you will he beable get me a wiifit  from over there :question

Dunno I can check though.  I know there is a massive shortage in UK/US but my sights are on the PS3 right now, then the Wii and Wii fit.....

...I am torn though ;D

For losing weight though I am told the Dance Revolution is awesome.  Do an hour of that every day for a month and watch the pounds fly off  ;)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:16:18
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Gaffers I'm just changing the subject slightly but as you know now that i have got a wii , if and when james come over to you will he beable get me a wiifit  from over there :question

Dunno I can check though.  I know there is a massive shortage in UK/US but my sights are on the PS3 right now, then the Wii and Wii fit.....

...I am torn though ;D

For losing weight though I am told the Dance Revolution is awesome.  Do an hour of that every day for a month and watch the pounds fly off  ;)


PMSL! ;D ;D ;D

Sod that!  Can I trade the wife in?    ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 23:17:18
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Gaffers I'm just changing the subject slightly but as you know now that i have got a wii , if and when james come over to you will he beable get me a wiifit  from over there :question

Dunno I can check though.  I know there is a massive shortage in UK/US but my sights are on the PS3 right now, then the Wii and Wii fit.....

...I am torn though ;D

For losing weight though I am told the Dance Revolution is awesome.  Do an hour of that every day for a month and watch the pounds fly off  ;)


I will have  to go and buy that then it sounds a good game , thanks for the info :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:18:03
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You know Maria has ordered a latex set off overalls and a plastic toy set with an ajustable spanner to tighten his nuts and open his relief valve.   ;D ;D ;D


You make me laugh , but how did you guess, dam i my secret is out  and i shall have fun tighten his nuts ;D ;D

Maria can you talk to my wife?  I think she needs some pointers!   ;) :y

Ok will do if it helps ;) :y :)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Gaffers I'm just changing the subject slightly but as you know now that i have got a wii , if and when james come over to you will he beable get me a wiifit  from over there :question

Dunno I can check though.  I know there is a massive shortage in UK/US but my sights are on the PS3 right now, then the Wii and Wii fit.....

...I am torn though ;D

For losing weight though I am told the Dance Revolution is awesome.  Do an hour of that every day for a month and watch the pounds fly off  ;)


PMSL! ;D ;D ;D

Sod that!  Can I trade the wife in?    ;D ;D ;D ;D


Ooops wrong thread......  meant the Russian bombshell lass!  ;)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 23:20:46
She in different disguises too.

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/1622816so.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/20071111_130648_Lucy_Pinder_030.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/lucy_pinder_as_WW.jpg)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:22:17
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She in different disguises too.

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/1622816so.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/20071111_130648_Lucy_Pinder_030.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/lucy_pinder_as_WW.jpg)

Ironically even though the wife is a trolly dolly shw wont do the old Stewardess/Pilot game......    :(

Maria sort her out will you?
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 23:23:08
I'd love a figure like she's got skruntie , if only :)
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 23:24:26
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She in different disguises too.

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/1622816so.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/20071111_130648_Lucy_Pinder_030.jpg)

(http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk106/skruntie/lucy_pinder_as_WW.jpg)

Ironically even though the wife is a trolly dolly shw wont do the old Stewardess/Pilot game......    :(

Maria sort her out will you?


Ok i will do , send her over too me  :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 23:25:44
Aww, you poor bugga.

She might teach you aa lesson one night.  Handcuff you to the bed, dress up and give to the full "incase of emergency routine" stripping down to survival clothing.

Then go in the main room, make a cuppa and wath Coronation street and leave you suffering.   ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:29:00
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Aww, you poor bugga.

She might teach you aa lesson one night.  Handcuff you to the bed, dress up and give to the full "incase of emergency routine" stripping down to survival clothing.

Then go in the main room, make a cuppa and wath Coronation street and leave you suffering.   ;D ;D ;D ;D


what the.......

.....how do you know?   :( :( :( :(

 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 23 August 2008, 23:30:23
Women matey, they have one thing on thier minds.

Whats happening in the soaps.   ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 23 August 2008, 23:32:03
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Women matey, they have one thing on thier minds.

Whats happening in the soaps.   ;D ;D ;D

Mines a Yank so thankfully not into Soaps but loves Americas Next Top Model and X Factor....

...there could be worse I suppose
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 23 August 2008, 23:35:45
Gaffers, you mentioned the wii game dance revolution, I have looked on the asda web site and they have 2 games , which one is it,

slumber party girls (us import)- dance revolution or John conner- dance dance revolution, they are the only 2 i can see, as i like to now:question
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 24 August 2008, 00:45:34
Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 24 August 2008, 00:48:55
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Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o


Thanks gaffers, i shall go and buy that one and maybe i will loose
weight and i love dancing  and so doe's my 12yr daughter Hannah so we can dace away together :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 24 August 2008, 00:50:27
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Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o


Thanks gaffers, i shall go and buy that one and maybe i will loose wieght and i love dancing any way and so doe's my 12yr daughter hannah so we can dace away together :y

I think its cool, you can get entra dance pads so you can have a dance off! I know me and the missus will :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 24 August 2008, 00:52:05
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Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o


Thanks gaffers, i shall go and buy that one and maybe i will loose wieght and i love dancing any way and so doe's my 12yr daughter hannah so we can dace away together :y

I think its cool, you can get entra dance pads so you can have a dance off! I know me and the missus will :y

When you get your dance pads , let me know where to buy them from and i shall get one :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Gaffers on 24 August 2008, 01:00:19
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Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o


Thanks gaffers, i shall go and buy that one and maybe i will loose wieght and i love dancing any way and so doe's my 12yr daughter hannah so we can dace away together :y

I think its cool, you can get entra dance pads so you can have a dance off! I know me and the missus will :y

When you get your dance pads , let me know where to buy them from and i shall get one :y

I will prob get the wife to bring it back form a trip  :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 24 August 2008, 01:10:41
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Dance Dance Revolution.  There is a guy we know in the States who would do 12 games a night and lost nearly 2 stone in a month! :o


Thanks gaffers, i shall go and buy that one and maybe i will loose wieght and i love dancing any way and so doe's my 12yr daughter hannah so we can dace away together :y

I think its cool, you can get entra dance pads so you can have a dance off! I know me and the missus will :y

When you get your dance pads , let me know where to buy them from and i shall get one :y

I will prob get the wife to bring it back form a trip  :y


Good idea, i shall try and see if i can get one , will you let me know what shop she gets it from plz :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: Mr Skrunts on 24 August 2008, 01:13:35
Right boys and girls, I am stuffed, am off to bed for some shut eye.  Have a GP to watch on a new circuit tomorrow, should be fun.
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 24 August 2008, 01:22:43
Night skruntie  ;) :y
Title: Re: Joke
Post by: maria on 24 August 2008, 01:25:04
Gaffers there is a good wii dancing game , it's called stage hotttest party includes a matt :y