Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: M16 on 13 October 2008, 21:58:06
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Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Must provide on-the-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life. Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practising above-mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything." Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs 5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and co-ordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name. Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadam Hussein?" on the fly. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
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;D ;D ;D
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Very good........ ;D ;D ;D :y
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Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. .......
I will for one of mine ;) but definitely NOT the other >:( - the thieving sh1t
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Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. .......
I will for one of mine ;) but definitely NOT the other >:( - the thieving sh1t
No 1 stepson OKish No 2 stepson, can not comment, No 3 fine. All brought up the same, but came to me at different ages, makes a big difference. :)
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Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. .......
I will for one of mine ;) but definitely NOT the other >:( - the thieving sh1t
No 1 stepson OKish No 2 stepson, can not comment, No 3 fine. All brought up the same, but came to me at different ages, makes a big difference. :)
Mine both came to us at the same age, but there is still a massive difference! :-? :-? and he's still a sh1t
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Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. .......
I will for one of mine ;) but definitely NOT the other >:( - the thieving sh1t
No 1 stepson OKish No 2 stepson, can not comment, No 3 fine. All brought up the same, but came to me at different ages, makes a big difference. :)
Mine both came to us at the same age, but there is still a massive difference! :-? :-? and he's still a sh1t[/size]
A technical term, that I use, though add an 'e' >:(
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A technical term, that I use, though add an 'e' >:(
he doesn't deserve the effort of an extra 'e' >:( :-X :y
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A technical term, that I use, though add an 'e' >:(
he doesn't deserve the effort of an extra 'e' >:( :-X :y
I understand. :-X
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A technical term, that I use, though add an 'e' >:(
he doesn't deserve the effort of an extra 'e' >:( :-X :y
I understand. :-X
I wish I did! >:(
He's living with my Mum & Dad at the moment - not particularly happy with the arrangement but .... - he visited yesterday for tea, the first time in months. he didn't miss the opportunity to take yet more money from the side of my bed (£18 in £2 coins - he was kicked out te last time for helping himself to about £3 or 400 in £2 that I'd been saving in a 'pension tin' that my daughter had bought for me, & 20 cigs from his Mum. Of course he swore black's white on the phone. >:( >:( >:( >:(
......... and breathe ...... ;)
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A technical term, that I use, though add an 'e' >:(
he doesn't deserve the effort of an extra 'e' >:( :-X :y
I understand. :-X
I wish I did! >:(
He's living with my Mum & Dad at the moment - not particularly happy with the arrangement but .... - he visited yesterday for tea, the first time in months. he didn't miss the opportunity to take yet more money from the side of my bed (£18 in £2 coins - he was kicked out te last time for helping himself to about £3 or 400 in £2 that I'd been saving in a 'pension tin' that my daughter had bought for me, & 20 cigs from his Mum. Of course he swore black's white on the phone. >:( >:( >:( >:(
......... and breathe ...... ;)
Just while I get my head around this, he is you step son living with your Mum and Dad?
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Andy, must go to bed now, long day tomorrow, if you want a chat ring me , at work, on members please note this is my work number, do not abuse or you might be in for a shock that you did not expect. Admins, trust me. :y
Edit, phone number removed, contact made. :y
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Mine are hard work, but are generally OK
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Just while I get my head around this, he is you step son living with your Mum and Dad?
Sorry had to go to bed - up at 4:30 this morning for work.
No Mike, he's my son, & yes he's living with my Mum & Dad. :(