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Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Dave-C on 02 August 2009, 21:37:20

Title: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Dave-C on 02 August 2009, 21:37:20
 
 
 
 




 

 

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

 
 

 

 
 

 
 
 
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: kris on 02 August 2009, 21:46:52
 ;D ;D ;D   only in america   ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: zippo on 02 August 2009, 21:59:41
lmao  :y :y :y
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: SJKOO01 on 02 August 2009, 22:24:37
Brillant..... brightened my evening up  ;D ;D ;D ;D

M  :y
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: RAT on 02 August 2009, 22:28:18
Great thank break i dont need a lawyer,,,,,,  :-/ :)
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Lizzie_Zoom on 02 August 2009, 22:33:32
They are  crackers!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y :y
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Vamps on 02 August 2009, 22:44:50
 :D :D :D :y
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Ghost on 03 August 2009, 00:28:47
Only in the USA
Great stuff mate do you have any more??? ::)
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Dave-C on 03 August 2009, 08:12:50
Quote
Only in the USA
Great stuff mate do you have any more??? ::)


When I get them on e-mails I usually post them...  Watch this space  ;)
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Dishevelled Den on 03 August 2009, 10:37:17
Splendid  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Omegadoha, Desert Member on 03 August 2009, 13:13:26
Good stuff :y
Title: Re: Any lawyers on here !
Post by: Gubz on 03 August 2009, 13:43:09
years of schooling = 7

schooling fees = $150,000 to $200,000+

some of the thick twits that get in on daddys money = PRICELESS ;D :y