Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Mr Skrunts on 30 January 2010, 03:57:32
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[size=12]
Anniversary
An elderly couple are having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. During desert, the old man leans over and says to his wife, “Dear, there’s something I have to ask you. It’s always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. I must know: Did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look at her husband. “Yes,” she admits. “He does.”
Tears well up in the old man’s eyes. “Please,” he says, “Can you tell me who it was?”
The woman pauses while mustering her courage. Then she says, “You.”[/size]
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[size=12]Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh.
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."[/size]
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
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[size=12][size=14]A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... Theman requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door ..
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.[/size][/size]
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Can't believe I just sat here at this time of night reading all that
The other two are quality though ;D ;D ;D
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Can't believe I just sat here at this time of night reading all that
The other two are quality though ;D ;D ;D
Well I liked it, and it's big print. :D
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;D ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D very good Mr S :y :y
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[size=12]
Anniversary
An elderly couple are having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. During desert, the old man leans over and says to his wife, “Dear, there’s something I have to ask you. It’s always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. I must know: Did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look at her husband. “Yes,” she admits. “He does.”
Tears well up in the old man’s eyes. “Please,” he says, “Can you tell me who it was?”
The woman pauses while mustering her courage. Then she says, “You.”[/size]
:o :o
that was unexpected ;D ;D :y
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[size=12]
Anniversary
An elderly couple are having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. During desert, the old man leans over and says to his wife, “Dear, there’s something I have to ask you. It’s always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. I must know: Did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look at her husband. “Yes,” she admits. “He does.”
Tears well up in the old man’s eyes. “Please,” he says, “Can you tell me who it was?”
The woman pauses while mustering her courage. Then she says, “You.”[/size]
:o :o
that was unexpected ;D ;D :y
It got me, I found it in my hotmail account, just formatted my machine as it was getting slow, hadnt been able to get read my hotmail as I keep changeing my passwordm so reset it and found loads of stuff from a mate of mine.
Had to read it twice as it was late and missed the joke on the 1st read.
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Dang .. the second one got me ... :)