Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

1

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 03 August 2012, 00:31:43 »

TL told *me*

She's not happy, but not horrified (which I am).

I think she wants my opinion before making any big decisions,
which I'm not happy about giving without a LOT of thought.
and she WILL listen to my opinion, hence the reason I don't want to
give it lightly.

My first reaction was get rid, preferably in a deep hole.

She trusts him, but we've both known people who, shall we say? didn't deserve the trust
they were given.

2

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:56:06 »

I think you already know what course of action you’ll take PP.

I would assume that the ‘with benefits’ part of your friendship with TL will has ceased, given her new arrangements – should it not have done so you most certainly are unnecessarily complicating the matter and will never, in my view, be able to deal with your relationship in any constructive way.

I do know what I need to do - I want to be sure I'm doing for the right reasons tho.
The "benefits" bit has ceased - I just wanted a second opinion that that wasn't clouding my judgement.

3

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:51:11 »

How is you're relationship with the Carer ?   Can you discuss the matter without it getting back to anyone else ?

Very good idea 

She has a range of carers, but there is on e who I get on with particularly well.
An extra opinion would be good.
I'm not sure how tiger lily would react to my discussing the situation with some else, other than anonymously.

4

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:41:34 »

A grown man having a bath with a young child which isnt his own is imo completely innapropriate.Its just wrong.

2 people, both got kids from previous relationships get together in a serious relationship, you have to take on each others kids if it is to work 

I'd still watch the f**ker like a hawk tho 

I wouldn't be so worried if he had female children - then I could see how they act around him.
The abusive stepfather is such a stereotype, but it happens.

Unfortunately, I can't be there 24/7  - tiger lily and I have a "complicated" relationship, and b/f isn't particularly keen on it.
(which is another reason for my bias)

5

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:34:50 »

A tough one indeed, and yes, needs to be handled carefully.

Where was the mother at this 'bathtime' and when you say 'recently started a steady relationship', roughly how long is 'recently' ?

shopping with me. 
she is disabled, and her carer was also in the house (but in the kitchen).

tiger lily has known b/f''s mother for 5 years.
been dating b/f since january (ish) and he moved in easter time (ish) - certainly not (IMO) enough time
to have his feet that far under the table ( but I'm biased)

6

General Discussion Area / Re: moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:13:40 »

Of course I may be biased myself as I have dealt with the aftermath of child abuse.

So have I, and so has tiger lily.
which makes it worse, if I'm wrong.

7

General Discussion Area / moral dilemna - advice sought

« on: 02 August 2012, 21:04:11 »

I'm a regular poster on here, but set up a new account to ask this question anonymously, cos I
don't know where else to turn 
Obviously the admins will have access to my real details, but I would be very grateful if they could
respect my privacy
I need some objective opinions but please be aware that I'm definitely NOT objective in my
description of the situation

I am in a long term "friends with benefits" relationship with a women I have known for over 20 years.
Let's call her "tiger lily"
We tried a full time relationship, and it didn't work for us, but we really are VERY good friends, and I am
very much in love with her.

She is a (young) widow with a very good "death in (uniformed) service" pension and two school-age
kids (3 y/o girl and 12 y/o boy)

She has recently started a steady relationship with an older man who *seems* to be a decent bloke,
he has moved in with her "temporarily" whilst refurbishing a new house he has bought (he's just moved to area
after the breakdown of his marriage - he has two adult sons).
He has become a father figure to the children, especially the son who is badly missing his dad.

The problem I have boils down to one thing - I visited the other day and b/f was *in* the bath with
the baby girl.
Might be innocent, but...

TigerLily trusts me completely, and if I voice my concerns it will DEFINITELY damage her relationship with
her b/f, but might also spoil our friendship.
If I don't voice my concerns, and it turns out to be something sinister, then that will be MUCH worse.

She's tried to discuss her relationship with b/f with me - I always tell her my opinion , with the caveat "I'm biased".
because I am.

ask for any further info, but

PLEASE HELP.