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[bob.dent]

Apologies in advance to all the girls on here but these creased me up.....

How  do you turn a fox into an elephant?  
Marry It!

What is the  difference between a battery and a woman?  
A battery has a positive side.  

What  are the three fastest means of communication?  
1) Television
2) Telephone  
3) Telawoman

How are fat  girls and mopeds alike?
They're  both fun to ride until your friends find out.  

What  should you give a woman who has everything?  
A man to show her how to work it.  

Why  is the space between a woman's breasts and her  hips called a waist?
Because you  could easily fit another pair of tits in there.  

How  do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?  
Put a nipple on it.


If your  wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at  you, what have you
done wrong?  
Made her chain too long



Why do men  pass gas more than women?
Because  women can't shut up long enough to build up the  required  
pressure.


Scientists  have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's  sex drive by
90%..
It's  called a Wedding Cake.


Women  will never be equal to men..  
until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and  
still think they are sexy.

PMSL  

[LaserLance]

Stand by for some flak from the fairer sex sex members of this forum   your a braver man than I bob  

[Richie London]

quote:
Women  will never be equal to men..  
until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and  
still think they are sexy.


thats me out then, im still slim and sexy with a fair amount of hair, not too bad for someone in there late 40's  

[Richie London]

Stand by for some flak from the fairer sex sex members of this forum   your a braver man than I bob  

i reckon god was wearing beer goggles when he designed the woman  

[amigov6]

Re battery:- Most of my exes tried to take CHARGE. I've always done my own thing hence thier efforts fell FLAT!!!!

[m1ct]

Few low-hit comparisons but few did get me laugh  

[Cybertrucker]

There are three parts to the wedding ceremony which the bride focuses on.

1.  They walk down the aisle.
2.  They stand at the altar.
3.  They sing a hymn.

And all through the ceremony she keeps thinking "Aisle - altar - hymn.  Aisle - altar - hymn..."

(This one works better if you read it out loud!)

[the-toy-maker]

There are three parts to the wedding ceremony which the bride focuses on.

1.  They walk down the aisle.
2.  They stand at the altar.
3.  They sing a hymn.

And all through the ceremony she keeps thinking "Aisle - altar - hymn.  Aisle - altar - hymn..."

(This one works better if you read it out loud!)

I used that one when i was best man for my brother

Got a good laugh

[bob.dent]

Few low-hit comparisons but few did get me laugh  

Sorrrry ...........just couldn't resist it.