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[Mr Skrunts]

Talking About Sex

A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.

One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn't have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers."

"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"

And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?"

And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of course I do."

"But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"

The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks It!"

[Mr Skrunts]

New Sales Associate

When Felix, the regional sales manager for a machine tools company, got home from the office, his wife couldn't help noticing that his tie was loose, his fly unzipped, his hair disheveled, he smelled of perfume, and his collar was covered with lipstick. "Rough day at the office" she commented.

"Not too bad," he said nonchalantly. "Had to break in a new sales associate, but I think she'll work out."

"Does she take shorthand" asked his wife. "

No," blurted Felix, "but she gives it."

[Mr Skrunts]

Thor

Thor, the Norse God of Thunder, decided to slip down to Earth for a spot of sex. He picked up a girl in a bar and went back to her place.

Blessed with unrivalled stamina, he then subjected her to a three-day non-stop sex session, at the end of which she was utterly exhausted. After saying his farewells, he felt guilty that he might have injured her in some way, so he went back to apologize and explain why he had been able to keep going for so long.

He said: "I'm sorry, I'm Thor."

The girl yelled: "Oh, you're thor, are you? Well, tho am I. In fact, I can't even pith!"

[Mr Skrunts]

Black Eye

Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."

"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.

Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."

[Mr Skrunts]

Big Words

Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some big words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"

"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"

"Very Good Jenny!"

Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.

Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.

"Harassment!" says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said no, but harassment yes!"

[Omegadoha, Desert Member]