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[jonnycool]

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and  said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good timeto be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.. The wife, after sleeping soundly  for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early,decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was,
she thought she would have some fun by watching her  husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.  So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate sex in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and  was sitting up reading when he came in,  so she asked what kind of time he had.
'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not  there.'
Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete , Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'
'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing  poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband  replied,
'Actually, I gave my costume to my Dad
....  apparently he had the time of his life'.

[jonnycool]

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a
parrot sitting on a little perch. It
doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy
says aloud, "Jesus, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm
a defective parrot."

 Holy crap," the guy replies. "You
actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I
happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this
-- how do you hang onto your perch
without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very
embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap
my weenie around this wooden bar like a
little hook. You can't see it because of
my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can
understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and
English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic:
politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really ought to buy me.
I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
"Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm
defective, so the truth is, no body wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can
probably get me for $20; just make the guy
an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the
parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He
has a great sense of humor, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes,
and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and
the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and
motions him over with one wing. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but
it's about you r wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail
today, your wife greeted him at the door
in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.
"THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the
house and lifted up her nightie and began
petting her all over," reported the
parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes.  Then he continued taking off the
nightie, got down on his knees and began
to kiss her all over....."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch!"

[sparkyw666.]

pmsl

[dbug]

Belters mate - parrot with a hard on 

[bob.dent]

Quality! 

[waspy]

PMSL

[jerry]

Both very good!

[M4DMATT]

 

My first laugh of the day !

[Hannah Judes Dad]

Excellent as ever   

[sexydaz]

brilliant

[Stevie-blunder]

Two pearlers there 

[mantagte]

very good