At risk of talking to myself (forgive me) I thought I would update the thread with the final outcome as I had been so frustrated by others reporting the problem and not the solution.
I refitted the exhaust manifold studs with two nuts locked together. I couldn't get much torque onto them without the nuts slipping. So I decided this point was enough on the basis of not wanting to strip the thread on nuts, studs or head and that they were obviously not in very tight to start with. Manifold refitted fine but decided to take off the auxillary drive belt tensioner to ease access to the forwardmost nut.
WRT the oil leak, it was the breather box. This was absolutely caked with oil deposits and both the hoses were blocked, so after a long soak in petrol, all cleaned up and hoses cleared I refitted it using the grey sealant that is applied using a (silicon sealant type) sealing gun. I also refitted the transfer tube with a new sealing ring and the coolant bridge with new sealing washers and a smaer of the above mentioned sealent on all the metal surfaces (ie head, bridge and banjo bolts) before fitting the washers between.
So far so good. The start up exhaust manifold ticking is gone which is so much better than waking the neighbours every time it was started from cold. Most importantly though there is no sign of a water leak! I have had to top the expansion tank up but assume this was air trapped in the system. Fingers crossed I now have a V6 lump which is no longer speing fluids and breathing properley again. Thanks for the initial advice which encouraged me to have a go.
J