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Author Topic: now i love a curry but  (Read 1089 times)

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millwall

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millwall

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #1 on: 06 October 2011, 10:54:36 »

and for the curry lovers heres the curry charts ;D

35. Poppadum Preach - Madonna
34. Korma Chameleon - Culture Club
33. Bhaji Trousers - Madness
32. King Prawn Massala Drinks Are Free - Wham
31. Dansak Queen - Abba
30. Korma People - Pulp
29. Tikka Chance On Me - Abba
28. When I Phall in Love - Nat King Cole
27. You Can't Curry Love - Diana Ross and the Supremes
26. Korma Police - Radiohead
25. Things Can Only Get Bhuna - D:Ream
24. Tears On My Pilau - Kylie Minogue
23. It's Bhuna Hard Days Night - The Beatles
22. Brothers in Naans - Dire Straits
21. Girlfriend in a Korma - The Smiths
20. Pilau Talk - Doris Day
19. It's My Chapati and I Cry If I Want To - Dave Stewart/Barbara Gaskin
18. I'm a Bhaji Girl - Aqua
17. Sag Aloo - Black lace
16. Take That and Chapati - Take That
15. Bhuna Round The World and I Can't Find My Bhaji - Lisa Stansfield
14. I Don't Want To Dansak - Eddie Grant
13. Dansak on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
12. We Are Jalfrezi - Sister Sledge
11. Vindaloo - Abba
10. I Don't Want to Go to Chutney - Elvis Costello
9. Rice Rice Baby - Vanilla Rice
8. Jalfrezi Jalfrezi Nights - Kiss
7. Tandoori Deliver - Adam and the Ants
6. Love me Tandoor - Elvis Presley
5. We Don't Have to Tikka Clothes Off - Jermaine Jackson
4. Bye Bye Balti - Bay City Rollers
3. Bhuna to be Wild - Steppenwolf
2. Livin' Dhal - Cliff Richard
1. Raita Here, Raita Now - Fatboy Slim


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bob.dent

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #2 on: 06 October 2011, 11:09:01 »

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-15183070

Ironic to see that one of the participants taken to hospital was called Curie Kim!! ;D
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millwall

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #3 on: 06 October 2011, 11:16:43 »

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millwall

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #5 on: 06 October 2011, 12:15:04 »

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hoody

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #6 on: 06 October 2011, 14:44:27 »

report from one of the injured

Frank: 'Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry
 Cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
 happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
 to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
 judges (Natal
 Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they
 told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted'.
 


Here are the scorecard notes from the event.
 




CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY Judge 1 -- A little too
 heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
 
Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
 
Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could
 remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
 flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
 
CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY
 Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
 
Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
 seriously.
 
Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
 supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
 to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when
 they saw the look on my face.
 
CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS 'BURN DOWN THE GARAGE' CURRY Judge 1 --
 Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
 
Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
 
Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I
 have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
 me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
 backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting p*ssed from all
 the beer.
 
CURRY 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY Judge 1 -- Black bean curry
 with almost no spice. Disappointing.
 
Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
 other mild foods, not much of a curry.
 
Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
 taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid,
 was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting
 to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an
 aphrodisiac?
 
CURRY 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
 Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
 considerable kick. Very impressive.
 
Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
 chilli peppers make a strong statement.
 
Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
 can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
 paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
 chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding
 by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
 my lips off.
 It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
 screaming.
 Scr*w them.
 
CURRY 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold
 vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
 
Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
 Superb.
 
Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
 sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to myself if I fart and I'm
 worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
 behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe
 my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream.
 
CURRY 7 - SELINA'S 'MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE' CURRY Judge 1 -- A mediocre
 curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
 
Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
 chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage
 that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress
 as he is cursing uncontrollably).
 
Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
 wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
 like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
 slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
 shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
 decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting
 any oxygen anyway.
 If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my
 stomach.
 
CURRY 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY Judge 1 -- The perfect ending.
 This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its
 existence.
 
Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor
 hot.
 Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out,
 fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
 he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
 hot curry?
 
Judge 3 - No Report
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bob.dent

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #7 on: 06 October 2011, 15:19:04 »

report from one of the injured

Frank: 'Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry
 Cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
 happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
 to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
 judges (Natal
 Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they
 told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted'.
 


Here are the scorecard notes from the event.
 




CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY Judge 1 -- A little too
 heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
 
Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
 
Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could
 remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
 flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
 
CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY
 Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
 
Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
 seriously.
 
Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
 supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
 to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when
 they saw the look on my face.
 
CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS 'BURN DOWN THE GARAGE' CURRY Judge 1 --
 Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
 
Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
 
Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I
 have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
 me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
 backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting p*ssed from all
 the beer.
 
CURRY 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY Judge 1 -- Black bean curry
 with almost no spice. Disappointing.
 
Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
 other mild foods, not much of a curry.
 
Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
 taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid,
 was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting
 to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an
 aphrodisiac?
 
CURRY 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
 Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
 considerable kick. Very impressive.
 
Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
 chilli peppers make a strong statement.
 
Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
 can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
 paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
 chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding
 by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
 my lips off.
 It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
 screaming.
 Scr*w them.
 
CURRY 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold
 vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
 
Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
 Superb.
 
Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
 sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to myself if I fart and I'm
 worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
 behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe
 my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream.
 
CURRY 7 - SELINA'S 'MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE' CURRY Judge 1 -- A mediocre
 curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
 
Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
 chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage
 that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress
 as he is cursing uncontrollably).
 
Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
 wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
 like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
 slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
 shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
 decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting
 any oxygen anyway.
 If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my
 stomach.
 
CURRY 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY Judge 1 -- The perfect ending.
 This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its
 existence.
 
Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor
 hot.
 Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out,
 fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
 he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
 hot curry?
 
Judge 3 - No Report

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
PMSL - sitting at my computer in the office absolutely crying with laughter. Getting strange looks from colleagues!! ::) ;D
Bloody brilliant. :y
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millwall

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Re: now i love a curry but
« Reply #8 on: 06 October 2011, 15:59:36 »

absolute class hoody  very funny ;D :y
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