I've got a proper calibrated snow gauge, with proper UK imperial measurements:
1 snow flake: All schools shut or a big payout if on the London Met. building on Christmas day.
2 snow flakes: Heathrow cancelling most flights.
3 snow flakes: Major disrupting to trains, many cancellations, those still running will arrive at random times. BR apologize to you, if you were under the misapprehension that a train was on time, it is one of the earlier ones running very late.
4 snow flakes: Gritting on all roads stops, where council's 'elf and safety department declare it is too dangerous to continue.
5 snow flakes: Met office issue a severe weather warning, one below a national emergency.
6 snow flakes: Government reminds all motorists to be prepared for the winter weather, don't forget that condom, because you never know your luck.
7 snow flakes: Lucky for some, but not if you are waiting for a bus, they are all cancelled.
8 snow flakes: Roads grid locked where there is no grit on them.
9 snow flakes: PM calls an emergency meeting of the COBRA committee.
10 snow flakes: National emergency declared, all flights and public transport cancelled, roads are grid locked. Please only undertake a journey if strictly necessary and you are fully equipped. Don't leave home without a shovel and a genital warmer.
11 snow flakes: W'ere doomed, I tell you we are all doomed!

Well it would be funny if it wasn't true.
