Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[M16]

A man  is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I  could stay the night?”
 The  monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the  man  tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that  he has ever heard.  The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
 The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.  Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
 The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his  car.
 That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years  earlier.
 The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks  reply, “We  can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
 The  man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If  the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
 The  monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
 The  man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The  monks reply, “Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a  monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The  monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, “May I have the key?”  
The  monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind  the wooden door is another door made of stone. The  man  requests the key to the stone door.
The  monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.  He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.  And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
 Finally, the monks say, “This is the key to the last door!”
 The  man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound.  It is  truly an amazing and unbelievable sight!

[M16]

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, 'Give the ballerina a drink!
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, 'I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina'?'

The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.'

[M16]

Symptoms of being over 25

1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush".  (worst still you don't go to the clubs)
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing the night before.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming you may one day have a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. All of a sudden, middle aged people are not 46, they are only 46.
6. Before going out anywhere, you ask whether there is anywhere to park.
7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers! out, you keep them because they'll be alright for the DIY or in the garden.
8. You buy T-shirts without anything written on them.
9. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out ofthe newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of most of the things that are in it.
10. You start to worry about your parents' health.
11. You have more disposable income, but everything you want or need to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
12. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video as the sales assistant assumes they are for your children.
13. Pop music all starts to sound the same.
14. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they do a really nice half-bottle of house red.
15. You always have enough milk in.
16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to goclubbing, you instead frequent trendy bars and restaurants in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony! Robinson. You get drawn in.  Grand Designs also appeals.
18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
20. You wish you had a shed.
21. You have a shed.
22. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore" and "I remember when a bus journey was 30p" and "Not in my day...."
23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jeremy Vine has some really interesting guests on.
24. you tut at rowdy school children.
25. When sitting outside a pub you admire their hanging baskets.
26. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me?"
27. Far more members of the opposite sex start to look particularly attractive.!
28. The idea of having a selection of biscuits with your tea start to sound appealing.
29. You understand the above and forward it to your fellow aging .