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[Crazydad]

         Language Barriers        

          
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

[Crazydad]

       A Drunken OOF Member

          
A drunk OOF Member was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please God", he implored, "let it be blood!"

[Crazydad]

       Irish Fun        

          
Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned?
They were riverdancing.

[Crazydad]

       Who's Egg Is This?        

          
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
"In my family," the Scotsman said, "we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots kicked the Englishman as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts and howled in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
"Keep the goddamn egg."

[Crazydad]

       A Scot's Tale        

          
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle.

At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.

''''Right, you Jimmy,'''' he shouts, ''''Ah want you to masturbate!''''

''''But......'''' stammers the driver.

''''Du it now - or I''ll bluddy kill yu!''''

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn''t take him long.

''''Right!'''' snarls the Highlander ''''Du it agin, now!''''

So the driver does it again. ''''Right laddie, du it agin!'''' demands the Highlander.

This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.

''''Du it again!'''' says the Highlander.

''''I can''t do it any more - you''ll just have to kill me!'''' whimpers the man.

The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''''

[Crazydad]

       Sheik That Rooster        

          
A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive restaurant and a really rich sheik gets out of it followed by a harem of women and a rooster. The 'party' is escorted to a table and given menus. When it is time to order the sheik orders for himself and the harem, and also asks for a basket of apples for the rooster. The waiter thinks it a bit strange, but does as is asked, and brings the apples for the rooster.

One by one, the rooster eats all of the apples. Having noticed this, the sheik orders another basket of apples for the rooster. Again the rooster eats all the apples. When summoned again, the waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains: 'I was in the desert one day and found a lamp. It was a bit dirty so I rubbed it to clean it.'

"Just as I did, out came a Genie and granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."

[ians]

      Who's Egg Is This?        

          
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
"In my family," the Scotsman said, "we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots kicked the Englishman as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts and howled in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
"Keep the goddamn egg."

 

[Crazydad]

       Virgin Aussie        

          
A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to get married. She did have some requirements however. First he had to be handsome. Second he had to be wealthy. And third he must be a virgin. Well as every one knows a handsome rich virgin male is hard to come by. After several weeks of searching the woman finally found her mate. He was a 25 year old Australian. A few days after she contaced him he arrived in America and they met. She was extremly satisfied in what he saw as was he. A few more days later they agreed to get married. Finnally they married and left on their honeymoon. When they arrived at the hotel she promply propositioned him for their first sexual encounter. He eagerly agreed. She then told him she was going to go to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. When she returned from the bathroom, she was amazed to see him lying in bed completly nude with all of the furniture stacked in one corner. She asked what was going on. He looked her directly in the eye and said, ''Dear, I've never had sex with a woman before, but if it's anything like them kangaroos we're going to need a lot more room.''
      

[ians]

that's Australianist

[Revokev]

A chinese riddle

which number is the odd one out
3 , 6 , 9 , 12 , 15, 17 or 18












9 the rest come with boiled rice

[Jimbob]

 

[The Barge Captain]

Must remember the kangaroo one to tel our Ausie barmaid at work.