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[F1 9LFG]

Wanted advert

Family friends wanted for family in Braintree, Essex (no Essex jokes please-we're from London really)

We are a 'normal' family, I work all week and enjoy spending time with my 2 children when I can. My wife works hard to ensure the kids have all they need for school etc and maintains the family home (very well).

My children have been brought up with manors, respect and loyalty - They are punished when they do wrong and are praised when they do well.

I want my kids to grow up knowing that they must work hard to gain an education and earn their own money to support themselves.


We (as a family) have gone through family friends like they are going out of fashion - 'ex' friends who simply don't share the same values etc.
A few things that we don't agree with below

Children;
-Don't show enough of an interest in their children’s development.
-Let them run riot.
-Fail to discipline them
-feed them junk food instead of cooking proper meals
-Shout and scream at them constantly (including swearing at them/while talking to them)

Lifestyle;
-Have no aspirations to do anything as a family at weekends (even things that are free like walking in the woods etc)
-Sitting in front of a PC/TV screen all day when things in the house need doing
-Feel it's ok to have a filthy household
-Don't see the point in working when the state can pay for everything
-Think drug use and a 6pk of beers every night is acceptable

I could go on, but basically I class my family as a 'good family unit' with a future and children who will grow up to do well in their lives and have respect etc.

We've had so many friends through the school but never made any good family friends, don't read this and think 'you sound like a snob' far from it, I want whets best for my family and want to have friends who share that belief - but we just can't seem to find them!!

Part of the problem (I think) is that out of the 50+ children’s families in my 2 kids respective classes at school we are one of the only families who are A) Together i.e. I am with my 2 children’s mother B) We are dependent on my salary, not the next DSS payment and C) want our children to do well.

Don't get me wrong, relationships don't always work out, I get that - but we seem to be the only family still together. I must be one of the only parents who actually works a full time 'proper' job.

I understand that benefits are there for people who need them (dad has left after having a baby etc and people off work through no fault of their own, illness redundancy etc) but there are they as a safety net - not as a lifestyle choice!

All we seem to find is what I call 'dead end' people, whose life is evolved around council housing, DSS payments, daytime TV and have no wishes for their kids to go places in their lives.

Interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the above, (obviously text can be read several different ways) but as a generalisation are we that different?

Maybe it is just us - maybe I expect too much from others I don't know....

(Sorry RANT OVER)

Rob

[Webby the Bear]

Maybe you should look at the reason you have so many ''ex'' friends 

[F1 9LFG]

Maybe you should look at the reason you have so many ''ex'' friends 

It would seem that finding people we have anything in common with is the problem. I have frineds, as does my wife, but family friends, with kids etc.

[Webby the Bear]

Maybe you should look at the reason you have so many ''ex'' friends 

It would seem that finding people we have anything in common with is the problem. I have frineds, as does my wife, but family friends, with kids etc.

So if you have friends already why don't you do things with you, your kids and your friend (s) that don't have kids?

Don't take this the wrong way but I find it a bit bizarre you want secific friends for certain ''occasions'' like going to the park with the kids.

As said, not intended to offend.... 

I got a set of 4 best mates from school. Man we get together every week, have a blast, then it's back to the wife 

[F1 9LFG]

Maybe you should look at the reason you have so many ''ex'' friends 

It would seem that finding people we have anything in common with is the problem. I have frineds, as does my wife, but family friends, with kids etc.

So if you have friends already why don't you do things with you, your kids and your friend (s) that don't have kids?

Don't take this the wrong way but I find it a bit bizarre you want secific friends for certain ''occasions'' like going to the park with the kids.

As said, not intended to offend.... 

I got a set of 4 best mates from school. Man we get together every week, have a blast, then it's back to the wife 

Not after that at all,

It's hard to explain...For a start I think that there are only 4/5 Dads that I've ever seen at the school (not that I do the daily school runs due to work)

At our old place we had a few families that we'd spend time with, together as families and due to our lifestyles being similar we always seemed to get on better. Hard to explain really but we just seem to be so vastly different to anyone else round here!

[Dishevelled Den]

Yes, this whole question of whether it's necessary to have friends to feel fulfilled in this life fascinates me.

Being quite misanthropic and, given the nature of my employment over the years, I haven’t had the 'luxury' of having friends - close colleagues yes, but friends no.

My one true friend is my wife as she has been with me through some very dangerous times and has given me both strength and encouragement by the bucket full when things became very difficult during those years. By choice, we had no children.

I’m quite capable in communicating with others, quite personable in social circumstances, quite capable in doing things for myself (and others when the need arises) so I don’t really find myself to be disadvantaged by the lack of having ‘friends’ – but then I’m the first to admit that, although well adjusted and quite ordinary in temperament, I’m an odd big bastid.

I suppose to get to the kernel of such questions we would have to define just what a friend is and how a having a ‘close friend’ differs to that.

It’s a strange post all the same - if you don’t mind my saying, as I would imagine that should one have to advertise for friends those who may answer may well turn out to be anything but.

I would suggest that the acquisition of friends would be the natural result of inter-relating with others in an open and honest fashion – without precondition or expectation.

[Webby the Bear]

Yes, this whole question of whether it's necessary to have friends to feel fulfilled in this life fascinates me.

Being quite misanthropic and, given the nature of my employment over the years, I haven’t had the 'luxury' of having friends - close colleagues yes, but friends no.

My one true friend is my wife as she has been with me through some very dangerous times and has given me both strength and encouragement by the bucket full when things became very difficult during those years. By choice, we had no children.

I’m quite capable in communicating with others, quite personable in social circumstances, quite capable in doing things for myself (and others when the need arises) so I don’t really find myself to be disadvantaged by the lack of having ‘friends’ – but then I’m the first to admit that, although well adjusted and quite ordinary in temperament, I’m an odd big bastid.

I suppose to get to the kernel of such questions we would have to define just what a friend is and how a having a ‘close friend’ differs to that.

It’s a strange post all the same - if you don’t mind my saying, as I would imagine that should one have to advertise for friends those who may answer may well turn out to be anything but.

I would suggest that the acquisition of friends would be the natural result of inter-relating with others in an open and honest fashion – without precondition or expectation.

Agreed.

Also to the OP... you don't have to have the same views or even have anything in common with folk for them to become friends. You like who you like and as Den so eloquently put you should forge friendships naturally. Unless you're the Beckham's; but that's completely different...

Maybe you expect too much hence the disappointment or lack of friends? 

[albitz]

If I were hoping to meet the type of people you describe,I dont think I would be living in Braintree.

[Big_Al]

The single parent factor at schools has been going for many years now. I am 55   my daughter is 26 , so more than15 years since she was at primary school.  I can remember a situation where SWMBO was raging about a decision made by the head mistress back then.

The children in my daughters class  (probably 8/9 year olds then)  had all made mothers day cards to take home . Come fathers day day a few weeks later the children were not allowed to do the same as almost all of them did not have either a father living with them or they did not know their father.   

Where we live  has a mixture of both private & local authority housing , so fairly common with many areas in the UK I would think.

Sign of the times nowadays I'm afraid . . .  seems to be the excepted way of life for a lot of people.

Without prejudice, I am thinking that some areas are worse than others though  . .     but as Albs says Braintree may not be the best area for what you are looking for  . . . .     somewhere like Purley  in Surrey may be more suitable.

But hope you find what you are looking for . .

[blackviper90210]

Wanted advert

Family friends wanted for family in Braintree, Essex (no Essex jokes please-we're from London really)

We are a 'normal' family, I work all week and enjoy spending time with my 2 children when I can. My wife works hard to ensure the kids have all they need for school etc and maintains the family home (very well).

My children have been brought up with manors, respect and loyalty - They are punished when they do wrong and are praised when they do well.

I want my kids to grow up knowing that they must work hard to gain an education and earn their own money to support themselves.


We (as a family) have gone through family friends like they are going out of fashion - 'ex' friends who simply don't share the same values etc.
A few things that we don't agree with below

Children;
-Don't show enough of an interest in their children’s development.
-Let them run riot.
-Fail to discipline them
-feed them junk food instead of cooking proper meals
-Shout and scream at them constantly (including swearing at them/while talking to them)

Lifestyle;
-Have no aspirations to do anything as a family at weekends (even things that are free like walking in the woods etc)
-Sitting in front of a PC/TV screen all day when things in the house need doing
-Feel it's ok to have a filthy household
-Don't see the point in working when the state can pay for everything
-Think drug use and a 6pk of beers every night is acceptable

I could go on, but basically I class my family as a 'good family unit' with a future and children who will grow up to do well in their lives and have respect etc.

We've had so many friends through the school but never made any good family friends, don't read this and think 'you sound like a snob' far from it, I want whets best for my family and want to have friends who share that belief - but we just can't seem to find them!!

Part of the problem (I think) is that out of the 50+ children’s families in my 2 kids respective classes at school we are one of the only families who are A) Together i.e. I am with my 2 children’s mother B) We are dependent on my salary, not the next DSS payment and C) want our children to do well.

Don't get me wrong, relationships don't always work out, I get that - but we seem to be the only family still together. I must be one of the only parents who actually works a full time 'proper' job.

I understand that benefits are there for people who need them (dad has left after having a baby etc and people off work through no fault of their own, illness redundancy etc) but there are they as a safety net - not as a lifestyle choice!

All we seem to find is what I call 'dead end' people, whose life is evolved around council housing, DSS payments, daytime TV and have no wishes for their kids to go places in their lives.

Interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the above, (obviously text can be read several different ways) but as a generalisation are we that different?

Maybe it is just us - maybe I expect too much from others I don't know....

(Sorry RANT OVER)

Rob

I've worked everyday since I left school in the 80's and the only time I haven't was last year when I lost my job and had my knee op.  I live in a Housing Authority property..... but like you have the same values.
My kids get disciplined, well the 3year old does and the 6mth baby gets a little bit of leeway 

Just because I live in rented and not my own mortgaged house, doesn't make me any less of a descent person 

[pscocoa]

A complicated post if the situation around you is as you describe. The bottom line at the simplest level is that you moved to the wrong area and you need to spend time identifying a better area for your next move.

However, being constructive, there may be a couple of things that you can do - and I have done them myself as the best response to improving one's surroundings.

1. School - why not consider becoming school governor or attending any parent teacher meetings - not just to complain but to offer your assistance and ideas to make things better.

2. Residents Association or equivalent - get involved and see how others see your area

3. Local Council - have a chat with your Councillors and discuss privately your concens and seek to identify groups who might have common interests with you.

There are many other ways to get ideas to help address your concerns just by looking at the info available in local press, residents leaflets etc.

[F1 9LFG]

Yes, this whole question of whether it's necessary to have friends to feel fulfilled in this life fascinates me.

Being quite misanthropic and, given the nature of my employment over the years, I haven’t had the 'luxury' of having friends - close colleagues yes, but friends no.

My one true friend is my wife as she has been with me through some very dangerous times and has given me both strength and encouragement by the bucket full when things became very difficult during those years. By choice, we had no children.

I’m quite capable in communicating with others, quite personable in social circumstances, quite capable in doing things for myself (and others when the need arises) so I don’t really find myself to be disadvantaged by the lack of having ‘friends’ – but then I’m the first to admit that, although well adjusted and quite ordinary in temperament, I’m an odd big bastid.

I suppose to get to the kernel of such questions we would have to define just what a friend is and how a having a ‘close friend’ differs to that.

It’s a strange post all the same - if you don’t mind my saying, as I would imagine that should one have to advertise for friends those who may answer may well turn out to be anything but.

I would suggest that the acquisition of friends would be the natural result of inter-relating with others in an open and honest fashion – without precondition or expectation.

Agreed.

Also to the OP... you don't have to have the same views or even have anything in common with folk for them to become friends. You like who you like and as Den so eloquently put you should forge friendships naturally. Unless you're the Beckham's; but that's completely different...

Maybe you expect too much hence the disappointment or lack of friends? 

This post was not a 'real' advert for finding friends, I wouldn't expect a future friend to actually reply and us strike up a blooming friendship. 

[F1 9LFG]

If I were hoping to meet the type of people you describe,I dont think I would be living in Braintree.

Do you know what Albs, I think you are spot on the money there!!  I think we live in the wrong town!!!!

We used to live near Halstead and it was a completely different way of life up there for everyone

[F1 9LFG]

Wanted advert

Family friends wanted for family in Braintree, Essex (no Essex jokes please-we're from London really)

We are a 'normal' family, I work all week and enjoy spending time with my 2 children when I can. My wife works hard to ensure the kids have all they need for school etc and maintains the family home (very well).

My children have been brought up with manors, respect and loyalty - They are punished when they do wrong and are praised when they do well.

I want my kids to grow up knowing that they must work hard to gain an education and earn their own money to support themselves.


We (as a family) have gone through family friends like they are going out of fashion - 'ex' friends who simply don't share the same values etc.
A few things that we don't agree with below

Children;
-Don't show enough of an interest in their children’s development.
-Let them run riot.
-Fail to discipline them
-feed them junk food instead of cooking proper meals
-Shout and scream at them constantly (including swearing at them/while talking to them)

Lifestyle;
-Have no aspirations to do anything as a family at weekends (even things that are free like walking in the woods etc)
-Sitting in front of a PC/TV screen all day when things in the house need doing
-Feel it's ok to have a filthy household
-Don't see the point in working when the state can pay for everything
-Think drug use and a 6pk of beers every night is acceptable

I could go on, but basically I class my family as a 'good family unit' with a future and children who will grow up to do well in their lives and have respect etc.

We've had so many friends through the school but never made any good family friends, don't read this and think 'you sound like a snob' far from it, I want whets best for my family and want to have friends who share that belief - but we just can't seem to find them!!

Part of the problem (I think) is that out of the 50+ children’s families in my 2 kids respective classes at school we are one of the only families who are A) Together i.e. I am with my 2 children’s mother B) We are dependent on my salary, not the next DSS payment and C) want our children to do well.

Don't get me wrong, relationships don't always work out, I get that - but we seem to be the only family still together. I must be one of the only parents who actually works a full time 'proper' job.

I understand that benefits are there for people who need them (dad has left after having a baby etc and people off work through no fault of their own, illness redundancy etc) but there are they as a safety net - not as a lifestyle choice!

All we seem to find is what I call 'dead end' people, whose life is evolved around council housing, DSS payments, daytime TV and have no wishes for their kids to go places in their lives.

Interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the above, (obviously text can be read several different ways) but as a generalisation are we that different?

Maybe it is just us - maybe I expect too much from others I don't know....

(Sorry RANT OVER)

Rob

I've worked everyday since I left school in the 80's and the only time I haven't was last year when I lost my job and had my knee op.  I live in a Housing Authority property..... but like you have the same values.
My kids get disciplined, well the 3year old does and the 6mth baby gets a little bit of leeway 

Just because I live in rented and not my own mortgaged house, doesn't make me any less of a descent person 

Good for you - well done 

but No no no, please don't take offence to what I've said. I mentioned that council housing and benefits are there for 'those who need them' and I do know a fair few people who I know do need them, but it's the folk who 'choose' to opt for the state-paid lifestyle that gets to me. 

[F1 9LFG]

A complicated post if the situation around you is as you describe. The bottom line at the simplest level is that you moved to the wrong area and you need to spend time identifying a better area for your next move.

However, being constructive, there may be a couple of things that you can do - and I have done them myself as the best response to improving one's surroundings.

1. School - why not consider becoming school governor or attending any parent teacher meetings - not just to complain but to offer your assistance and ideas to make things better.

2. Residents Association or equivalent - get involved and see how others see your area

3. Local Council - have a chat with your Councillors and discuss privately your concens and seek to identify groups who might have common interests with you.

There are many other ways to get ideas to help address your concerns just by looking at the info available in local press, residents leaflets etc.

Totally agree with that, I attend every meeting at the school, PTA meetings, consultation meetings and would love to become a governor myself but worry that I won't be able to commit to meetings etc but maybe I should go down this avenue.

The other points are good too, thanks