Omega Owners Forum
Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: Terbs on 11 October 2012, 13:38:24
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Hi all
My mother has been diagnosed with altzheimers. We had tests done last year, and she had brain scans for other brain diagnosis, which were negative, therefore it was concluded it was altzheimers.
Mother is 92 years old in May. She is mobile, can go shopping with swmbo when she feels up to it. She feeds herself, although only uses the microwave. I had a proper shower put in for her, which she uses, or did.
However, she is paranoid about people going in her flat, says they fiddle with the TV, freezer, washing machine etc. She thinks they come in and watch telly when she is in bed. Reckons young couple upstairs keep asking her to look after their young kiddie. Saturday, we went round, and she said that she had taken the wire down that was up the wall in the corner (FM aerial on her Hi Fi) When I looked I found all the wires at the back had been cut with scissors. She denied it, but in later conversation, she mentioned it went 'bang'. This confirmed cutting through live mains wires.
The latest topic is Christmas. 'I don't want to be here on my own.....upstairs make my life a misery, can't I go somewhere'
Result !!!! Er..no......in the next statement, its too late to move at her age, they don't want people with my problems (female internal, etc) I've seen those homes, they are disgusting, etc etc. I may as well stay here, upstairs are ok.
Absolutely paranoid also about money..... doesn't want my inheritance to go to home. Obviously, although I have POA, I can't shift her money because Social Services will check accounts for 'anomilies'.
I know some of you have been through this situation....is it best to just put mother in a home, end of. Or is it worth trying like a respite couple of weeks, hoping she will say, she likes it. We have told her she will have people around 24/7 to look after her/company. Seems to go down ok.....then a bit later the phone rings and its...'You are trying to put me away, I'm not mad, I AM NOT MOVING'...and phone goes down.
Its getting to us now.....we also have Christine's mum to look out for, she is 92 also. You probably read my thread about her fall and having money pinched. As her sight deteriated after the fall, she just gave up and wanted to die. However, there is light at the end of that tunnel, as we got her in for an eye op and she can see fairly well again, and has taken an interest in life, so things could be getting better on that front.
Been on to Bucks Social Services, they refered us back to GP....what next.
Can anyone tell us what procedures we will have to through. Whenever we try to make some enquiries we get passed from pillar to post
Sorry if this is a morbid post :(
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You have my sympathies. Not an easy situation to deal with and sadly one which will become more and more prevalent as people live longer and succumb to this.
One thing I would say is that there are some classic signs of Paranoid Schizophrenia. (definition etc http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/192621.php) We have an uncle who is perfectly able to look after himself but is convinced for example that people are getting into his loft and even living there. Her GP can prescribe to treat that. What is then needed is to monitor the individual to ensure no worsening of condition.
A classic example of why care in the community is so important.
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Is she on any medication.My Dad was in a similar state (hes 82) a few months ago.He was on Diazapam.Over 75,s should never be prescribed these,but they are to keep them quiet etc. Got him off them and hes sharp as a tack again now.
The difference is staggering tbh.
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Yep, Emma's grandmother also had a bad turn about 9 months ago. Turns out she had been prescribed a drug which interacted badly with the Lithium she had been on for many years, and resulted in Lithium poisoning. Took a while for the doctor (who presumably prescribed both ::)) to figure it out.
However, if it's not something that's treatable and she's cutting through mains cables, it does tend to make me wonder if she's past the point of being able to safely look after herself already. :-\
I do sympathise, Tony. It must be an awful situation to be in. :(
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You have my sympathies it is a very difficult and worrying time. We has a similiar situation with the mother in law, the final outcome was her falling on one of her wanderings, breaking a hip, and moving into a care home following assessment. We didn't know what to do for the best or who to turn to. Luckily I was in the local shop when the owner asked "How we were getting on with all the trips to hospital etc" A lady overheard the conversation and introduced herself as from the Altzeimers Society, gave me her card and said to call for help if we needed it.
Picking up the phone was the best thing we did, everything was explained in a sympathetic but realistic manner. It made best out of a bad situation in our case how to use Social Service, how to get the correct help, what buttons to push etc. In the end she was admitted to a nice local care home who looked after her for about a year until she passed away. In fact I still visit the care home with home grown fruit from the garden and chat to the residents.
Every case is different so to offer advice might not be apppropriate in your mums case, which was applicable in our case.
I would certainly recommend the Altzeimers Society for advice and assistance. :y :y
I hope everything goes well for you all.
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I have no advice to give as I've no experience of this, but you have my sympathies and I hope everything works out for the best! :)
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Unfortunately it sounds like she is just starting down the slippery (and quite distressing) slope :(
The best thing you can do for her is to seek advice from the GP and Altzheimers Society. She needs to be moved into proper care for her own (and others) safety and your sanity
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Thanks for those replies.....at last a direction to head in. :y
Will definately call Altzeimers Society, it sounds as our problems may take a turn for the better.
I am in your debt.....(don't ask for money though, I'm skint) ;D
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Thanks for those replies.....at last a direction to head in. :y
Will definately call Altzeimers Society, it sounds as our problems may take a turn for the better.
I am in your debt.....(don't ask for money though, I'm skint) ;D
They have a good WEB site as a starting point :y
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/
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Sadly I do know how you feel Tony. My wifes Mum had Altzheimers/Dementia at the latter part of her life. As she was also disabled, she could not harm herself in the way that your Mum possibly can, as she was confined to her chair. As someone who had done care work herself she knew what was happening to her and we used to go in and find her crying. She had carers go in to see her in her bungalow and my wife used to go in morning, noon and night to sort out her food and medication and make sure she was generally alright. She became very upset at not remembering who people were and I had to introduce myself on a daily basis to someone who had known me for over thirty years.
It does not become part of your life, it BECOMES your life. I won't bore you any more as many of you will know what I mean.
I feel for you mate, I really do.
Regards
Alan
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I have no advice to give as I've no experience of this, but you have my sympathies and I hope everything works out for the best! :)
+1 :)
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My ninety-one year old mother had a stroke last year. I now have total control of her finances.She gets very confused by money and often refers to the old £.s.d money.
I have to pay all her bills as it would distress her should she try to do it herself.
You may find it helps to have control of your mothers finances.
Good luck.
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We have had POA on mums accounts for a long time now Opti :y
Alan....mum is heading that way fast now....she remembers me and Chris ok, but now her closest sister's name usually comes after a jog from us. She sometimes remembers my sister in law, but as to all the other relations, its a no go. Its so sad that we humans are subjected to this disease. I don't know about you others, but I feel quite sick sometimes thinking as mum has it, will I get it. And she doesn't remember my children without a prompt.
What annoys me is I have to ask questions on a car forum to get answers, I get humanitarian answers, links to groups, and sympathy (not looking for that, but thanks :y)......Why couldn't the 'powers that be' give me these answers.
We tried to sort out whether mum could have any carers and gave up after an absolute 'we are not interested' attitude from same bodies. Interested only in physical not mental state.
We are 'supposed to be getting a phone call tomorrow from our/her GP, after spending god knows how long trying to get past the receptionist >:(
Tony
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My mum is 90 and recently ended up in hospital suffering a mini stroke. Fortunately she wasn't affected physically by this. She went into a very good respite home for 6 weeks and was then released home where she lives on her own. She was very confused and suffering from short term memory loss (memories going back many years were fine).
One of the drugs she was on was simvastatin - well known for promoting short memory loss and confusion and not recommended for over 75s! A meeting with her GP and my insistance re simvastatin got her medication changed to another statin (without these side effects) She is now much better with her short term memory and not confused now - it took 2 months for the effects to wear off!
Moral is check side effects of all drugs and be bullish with GPs if you are unhappy with any prescription drugs.
HTH ;)
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After diagnosis, the psychiatrist dished out some pills to mum. This resulted in a middle of the night call from Age Concern to say mums alarm had gone off, and she was in a confused state. When I got round there, the flat was trashed, just as though being burgled. Sorted her out eventually and got her to bed ok. Contacted the psychiatrist again and panic set in.....don't let her take any of those pills again, how many doses has she had, keep us informed of her health, etc, etc
We were not told of any possible side effects, actually the opposite. Since stopping the pills, we have had no re-occurance of this problem
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Worth checking out possible side effects of the pills on the net :y
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Hi, I have just retired on ill health grounds from the NHS. I worked as a specialist community mental health nurse for older people until last year.
You need to contact your GP as soon as possible. Your GP then needs to do the following,
1. Check for any infection. It is quite common for an older person with either a chest infection or urine infection to become more confused and distressed. You could save time by getting your mother to do a urine sample. If she has an infection, then once treated she should be back to normal in a week or two. A sign of infection is rapidly increased confusion.
2. Get your GP to refer your mother to the local mental health team. This will mean your mother is given a thorough assessment by a specialist team. GP's will often prescribe medication as a first option. A mental health team can assess on the same day if you and/or your GP are concerned. It is important you stress to your GP the significant risks involved. The mental health team will also refer to social services. There is help for people in their own homes with care packages and such. The general idea is to support people in their own home as long as any risks can be minimised.
Each individual is different. A potential move to a residential or care home should mean your mother is safer but she will be more confused in new surroundings. I have seen people move into homes and greatly enjoy the increased social interaction. This also takes a lot of pressure from the family. In the future maybe a few periods of respite in a home could be the way forward to 'test the water'.
If you need any further advice I would be very happy to help.
Yours, Chris
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Thanks Chris :y
We are waiting for a call from the GP today.
We had mental health in a while back, but is was so distressing for my mother we had to stop them. One of the major problems is her need to be with others, although this is negated when she decides she wants to stay at home. Small respite, if we can get her there seems the best way forward. Home care packages also seem a good idea as at least people will be going in the flat and talking with her.
Unfortunately, as others know on here, we have had bad experiences with Carers and hired help, in as much as my mother-in-law had two situations of money going missing to the tune of £500. So you can see we are sceptical of 'strangers' going into our parents flats.
Social Services basically wiped their hands of the situation, coming out with all sorts of excuses.
We will see how things go, and I may pm you for advice if needed :y
Tony
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1. Check for any infection. It is quite common for an older person with either a chest infection or urine infection to become more confused and distressed.
Yep, this is what initially kicked off my grand-mother-in-law's issues. She made a complete recovery once things finally got sorted out.
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M-I-L has advanced Alzheimer's, and it is not good. Over the past 8 years she has deteriorated to the extent that she does not even know her own daughter. Her husband did a great deal for many years, and should be praised .. he is after all 86 himself !!
I persuaded him some while back to get Power of Attorney, he resisted but now sees the benefit.
2 years ago she moved into full-time residential care.. and her quality of life has improved. Her husband did what he could, but given his age and abilities, he provided little stimulus for her, so she ended up sleeping 80% of the time. The home has qualified and trained staff who are able to stimulate and encourage, she has put on weight and is far more healthy - physically - than she was at home.
The only decent advice I can give is to get advice from the professionals... you have to steal yourself, and your family, to the fact that the sufferer will be very happy in their own little world, where ever it happens to be at any particular moment ... but that you and yours are, in reality, no longer a part of that world.
It hurts, and it hurts the family more than most, as an "in law" I can be slightly more detached .. but Chris, and her family, have to bear the brunt. It has affected Chris's sister so badly she now says she has no mother, and has made no effort to see or contact her for 5 years .... which hurts Chris even more ..... and so the vicious circle starts ....
and there is absolutely nothing that you or I can do about it .. :(
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Mrs Michael here,
reading your post, it was like i had wrote it, it was identical to my mam, every detail, she used to say her carers were trying to steal a old pair of boots she had, and was accusing me of being after her money. she would come to our house with scissors and screwdrivers in her handbag, in case someone stole them. this went on for a period of 2years, and we to could not decide what to do with mam. this decision was taken away from us when i got phone call saying she had burnt her flat down, she was in sheltered accomadation at the time. she was ok, had put an incontinent pad on the oven ring, hoping it would dry it out. we went up, she tried to go back in to get her purse when it was on fire, a male tenant had to pull her out. we couldnt cope with her, luckily the local home had a place, could stay till we decided what to do. Her reaction, dont leave me here, i will die in here.
she died a year later in that home, its a cruel disease, that was 6years ago. Then Michaels dad had the same, 4years he had it
his mam wouldnt put him in a home and may i say did a brilliant job looking after him, he died last november.
Only you can decide what to do, it difficult, i did feel guilty leaving mam in that home, but at least i knew she was safe, and ok
Hope it all gets sorted for you, its surprising what help you can get, but you have to enquire because no one knocks on your door and tells you the help you will get, we learnt all that, it tough but chin up. :y
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Following on from other posts. In my past experience in mental health nursing with older persons, I have supported numerous families as their loved one moves into a home.
The general experience is that families try and cope and keep their parents at home but become increasingly stressed and tired as this becomes a harder and harder task and it soon takes over your life. This then starts to become a chore and can lead to anger and even resentment.
The move into a home is obviously upsetting for all involved but the things to remember is that they are (or should be) receiving 24 hour care and support, are having more social interaction and can feel more safe and secure than being on their own. You also need to think that when you visit the home, the time you spend with your relative is not spent attending to meals, cleaning and other chores but is quality time actually spent with them. Most residential / nursing homes have no problem with you visiting whenever you want and taking them out for lunch and such.
One last tip: visit at any any prospective residential / nursing home without telling them in advance. Once there, see what is going on in terms of staff talking to the residents and activities going on. Reject the home if all the clients are sat in chairs at one end of the room, and all the staff sat talking at the other end!
Having said all this, alot of people who hsve significant memory problems can manage at home providing they are in a familiar environment and there is a lot of support out there
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Following on from other posts. In my past experience in mental health nursing with older persons, I have supported numerous families as their loved one moves into a home.
The general experience is that families try and cope and keep their parents at home but become increasingly stressed and tired as this becomes a harder and harder task and it soon takes over your life. This then starts to become a chore and can lead to anger and even resentment.
The move into a home is obviously upsetting for all involved but the things to remember is that they are (or should be) receiving 24 hour care and support, are having more social interaction and can feel more safe and secure than being on their own. You also need to think that when you visit the home, the time you spend with your relative is not spent attending to meals, cleaning and other chores but is quality time actually spent with them. Most residential / nursing homes have no problem with you visiting whenever you want and taking them out for lunch and such.
One last tip: visit at any any prospective residential / nursing home without telling them in advance. Once there, see what is going on in terms of staff talking to the residents and activities going on. Reject the home if all the clients are sat in chairs at one end of the room, and all the staff sat talking at the other end! Having said all this, alot of people who hsve significant memory problems can manage at home providing they are in a familiar environment and there is a lot of support out there
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Or the place smells like a urinal. It is all very well in theory but unfortunately it comes down to where a place is available and the cost. We found that mum got more attention from the staff the more we visited, even it it was just to pop in for 10 ninutes.
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Very true. In my experience the more you visit, ask questions and generally show a keen interest the greater the chance of receiving better care. This is not just in homes but in the hospital setting aswell.
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At Last !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :y
Finally, the GP rang yesterday, to start with a bit nonchalant, but after my 'forceful' tone, he now says he will refer her back to Bucks Mental Health, they will go through the tests, report to him, and he said....''If she has to go into a home, the NHS will pay half the costs'
The attitude to start with was because she feeds herself, washes, etc etc its not a problem....when I said about the electric cables, he paused.....and we then headed toeards a result.
He must know !!!! :)
I had a phone call from mum at 7.30pm last night, she was panicing and said 'Oh thank god I got you' she said. 'they want to take my piano over the other side to sing songs at Christmas'.
She is obsessed with Christmas at the moment.
Lord only knows what that is all about......then we went on for another ten minutes of pure tosh. :(
But, as I said....the ball is rolling. I dread the 'shrink' coming, I don't know whether they are all the same, but the bullish attitude of the last sessions, left my mum in a state of acute distress, and I had to sit and watch it. Its 'no holds barred' with them
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Let's hope you get a more understanding Psychiatrist this time.
Most do treat the clients with the respect they deserve. Unfortunately like all doctors, there are always those who are too full of their own self-importance.
I hope you soon get this sorted and your experience of the mental health profession is much better this time
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They can go back years ago, but ask them a question, what have you had for dinner today?they cant tell you. Michaels dad would just stand up and say, come on we have to see the people to their seats in church, he for a while worked in the funeral profession, i sat with him on saturday afternoons while his mam went shopping, it was the only time she had to herself, but thats how she wanted it. Now just today rang his mam and she acting strange, she had switched electric off and told Michael her boiler not working, he went up and she just was weird, the signs are not good, seen it all before, we got her down here for tea, and i will see for myself how she acting, then decide what we need to do. :-\
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Michaels mam was really weird yesterday, talking rubbish, and went to toilet and took all me stuff off the shelves, stuffing bog roll down sink, tring to hang towel on me! outcome, went to docs today, think she had mini stroke, not what we were thinking, she at hospital having tests, she very anemic that can cause lot problems. hope you got sorted with your mam terbert
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It is a struggle to make sure your parents engage in conversation that makes sense "to them".
If you talk to my dad about what he did 2 hours ago then forget it.
But ask him to reel off the Kings and Queens of England or the birth and death dates of Great Composers then he is there immediately.
The trouble is if you visit and try and explain your day there is limited mileage in this - you have to find the common ground which maybe not so much common ground for you but at least you can be research it if you are prepared to invest the time. The exercise is interesting in itself but when you see glimmers and recognition of events then it makes a big difference.
I am also moving to a new phase with my parents - I have seen the problems of water infection and reaction to drugs affecting my in laws behaviour and disorientation - they have both sadly passed away in last year. My parents are older, better educated in terms of keeping grey matter ticking over (not being be snobbish about this but it is a factor) and reading /doing puzzles etc.
Much is about interaction in terms they can connect with and none of us are experts in this area. Bottom line is do your best and do not give up. Identify past times and events with which they can relate and generate a conversation. Recognise that you can go one day and they are fine and next day they are confused due to medical condition.