Omega Owners Forum

Chat Area => General Discussion Area => Topic started by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 19:46:51

Title: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 19:46:51
James' sniffles thread has reminded me of my dose of man flu several weeks ago. Whilst laying in my bed, close to death, I felt the urge to fart. I was unsure, given the state of my stomach, whether this would be wise, but I didn't have the strength to move from my pit.
I let it out and was quite confident that it was just gas. But, shotly afterwards, I got that warm feeling that can only mean one thing. I gently lifted the sheets and rolled on my side. To my horror, I glimpsed a skid mark about the size of a mars bar on the bed linen. 'Could have been worse' I thought.
Then I remember the memory foam matress. Not full memory foam, just on the top of a matress that you can't turn. At that point I thought 'It won't have gone through' but, of course....

So, does anyone have a good method for removing shite from memory foam?
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 19:52:27
Come on, come on. You're a gifted lot.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Abiton on 22 February 2013, 19:54:08
 ;D

Do you need to remove the shite; the memory of the shite, or the mattress's memory of the shite?

Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Lazydocker on 22 February 2013, 19:56:08
Come on, come on. You're a gifted lot.

Dunno... I'm a grown up and don't shite the bed :P :P

But a Vax may work :-\ :-\
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 19:56:37
;D

Do you need to remove the shite; the memory of the shite, or the mattress's memory of the shite?

Brilliant  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: pirate on 22 February 2013, 19:57:39
think thats a new mattress type of shite dude  :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Entwood on 22 February 2013, 19:59:07
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 20:00:26
think thats a new mattress type of shite dude  :y
I was afraid somone might say that.
It's only eight months old. Do you think it may be under guarantee?
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 20:00:58
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
She said she won't do it.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Entwood on 22 February 2013, 20:05:28
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
She said she won't do it.

You did it .. you clean it ...  :)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Abiton on 22 February 2013, 20:06:35
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
She said she won't do it.

  >:(

In sickness and in health...
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 20:07:01
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
She said she won't do it.
Whaaaat? I wouldn't like to live in your house.
You did it .. you clean it ...  :)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: JamesV6CDX on 22 February 2013, 20:07:20
Cloth, Soap and Water ???   you know .. old fashioned thing .. wash it off .. by hand  ??

:)
She said she won't do it.

You did it .. you clean it ...  :)

Don't feed the troll! ;D :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: des.allen on 22 February 2013, 20:07:54
;D

Do you need to remove the shite; the memory of the shite, or the mattress's memory of the shite?
     ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Kevin Wood on 22 February 2013, 20:15:43
Hearing about your confidence failure has really helped me enjoy my tea. :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 22 February 2013, 20:18:04
Hearing about your confidence failure has really helped me enjoy my tea. :y
Well.....if you want to have your tea at supper time.... ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: tidla on 22 February 2013, 20:42:38
Nearly crapped myself laughing ;D ;D

The mattress return thing, Some people really have tried this in ikea after... Three months. Imagine.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: dbug on 22 February 2013, 21:09:53
Sorry mate can't help - but thats the best laugh I've had for a while. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Thanks for sharing :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: henryd on 22 February 2013, 21:15:55
I'm still almost in tears laughing,but I think the vax idea may work best,shouldn't bother trying the guarantee as it's probably shit anyway ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: tigers_gonads on 22 February 2013, 21:18:44
Treat it like smelly bubble gum
Stick it in the freezer for a day then scrub it off with a toothbrush (not yours)  ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Vamps on 22 February 2013, 21:26:29
Treat it like smelly bubble gum
Stick it in the freezer for a day then scrub it off with a toothbrush (not yours)  ;D

How is he going to get a shitty mattress into his Freezer....... ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: tidla on 22 February 2013, 21:30:40
Treat it like smelly bubble gum
Stick it in the freezer for a day then scrub it off with a toothbrush (not yours)  ;D

How is he going to get a shitty mattress into his Freezer....... ::) ::) ::)

Pop it round to Iceland, they can stick it in one of there freezers along with the rest of their..
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: pauls on 22 February 2013, 21:37:22
Try a pipe freeze kit from your local plumbers ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 23 February 2013, 02:21:14
 is it still warm or crusty i expect by now :-\

try these


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua-pFdqQcnU

or advice on womens site  :o :o

Oxi Clean has saved my life... and my fabrics! I just add a little water to make it into a paste, spread it directly onto the stain (after you've wiped away all the big chunks of course!), then throw it into the washing machine!! It's great!
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 23 February 2013, 02:43:09
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z-Mr7wWa0s
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: TheBoy on 23 February 2013, 10:03:25
Hmmm, this will turn Gayboy Gixer on :P
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 23 February 2013, 10:26:24
OOF napies ...when you really want to spit your dummy out ::) ;)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: symes on 23 February 2013, 10:30:24
OOF napies ...when you really want to spit your dummy out ::) ;)
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: PhilRich on 23 February 2013, 10:55:41
This is in the wrong section steve, there's nothing technical about a 'follow through'. Thanks for the bloody good laugh though! ;D :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Sir Tigger KC on 23 February 2013, 13:32:21
Just put clean sheets on and forget about it!  :)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 23 February 2013, 14:03:38
you cant just change the sheets and hope for the best a follow through is quite serious ,destroys a mans confiedence to let one go, its plays on your mind for a while

best dye the matress dark brown in case it happens again  :y

panty liners could be usefull body form you will never know you have one on until its stuck to your arse :o
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Sir Tigger KC on 23 February 2013, 14:26:50
you cant just change the sheets and hope for the best a follow through is quite serious ,destroys a mans confiedence to let one go, its plays on your mind for a while

best dye the matress dark brown in case it happens again  :y

panty liners could be usefull body form you will never know you have one on until its stuck to your arse :o

Actually you're right and once its happened once it's bound to happen again and again.  It's just your sphincter muscle weakening with age.  ::)

Once you've given the mattress a damn good scrub, get one of those polythene mattress covers to protect against further accidents! :)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 23 February 2013, 14:35:28
Thank you lads. That's quite enough advice I think.  :(
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 23 February 2013, 16:33:10
Hmmm, this will turn Gayboy Gixer on :P
You have a filthy mind Groomer! ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: SIR Philbutt on 23 February 2013, 16:57:30
Think this is appropriate advice under the circumstances

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MfdqM3gaQ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MfdqM3gaQ)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 23 February 2013, 17:06:41
or this maybe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcQflrT304g

an own goal you could say
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 23 February 2013, 17:43:56
I enjoyed those  ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Rods2 on 23 February 2013, 18:45:06
Change oof name from STEMO to SITBS  ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 23 February 2013, 18:46:37
Change oof name from STEMO to SITBS  ::)
OK :y


Errrrrrr....no.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Vamps on 23 February 2013, 21:17:02
Sorry to hear about your problem Steve, I hope this link is useful to you, anything else I can advise you on please let me know - in the strictest confidence of course, after all I am a professional... :y :y

http://www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/mens?gclid=CNLq-taszbUCFY3LtAod3QkAGg
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Sir Tigger KC on 23 February 2013, 21:52:57
That's a good website that!  :y  Look at this page, full of bed protectors! Even a car seat protector, just in case you have a little accident in the car!! :)

http://www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/bed-protection

Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 23 February 2013, 22:02:27
You can take a scouser out of Liverpool....
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Vamps on 23 February 2013, 22:08:15
That's a good website that!  :y  Look at this page, full of bed protectors! Even a car seat protector, just in case you have a little accident in the car!! :)

http://www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/bed-protection

 :o :o :o You been looking around the site, a closet incontinent - tell me, how do you feel about it?............. ::) ::) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: tidla on 23 February 2013, 22:16:50
For sale.

2.5 cdx. Seats in brown.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 24 February 2013, 00:08:02
hes got a vauxhall megane :D :D it was easier to nick
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 24 February 2013, 00:10:54
You can take a scouser out of Liverpool....


 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y :y :y nearly shat myself then  :o :o dey downt do dat do dey
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 24 February 2013, 01:14:02
De do dat down dare don't de yes de dooooOHYESDEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOO. ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Vamps on 24 February 2013, 21:30:49
I got you PM Steve, will sort out when at work tomorrow....... :y :y :y

Is there a big 'Boots' in Wakefield?
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: tidla on 24 February 2013, 21:36:46
I got you PM Steve, will sort out when at work tomorrow....... :y :y :y

Is there a big 'Boots' in Wakefield?

This looks worrying. I hope other members of a particular persuasion not involved? :D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Vamps on 25 February 2013, 00:32:36
Thank you for your PM, as I said, confidentiality is assured.... :y :y  I won't discuss any of your business on here... :-X  That does not sound good though.... :o :( :'(  It's even beyond my 'pay grade' you really need to discuss further with your GP for a referral to a specialist, if I can be of any further help let me know..... :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Rods2 on 25 February 2013, 00:38:20
Thank you for your PM, as I said, confidentiality is assured.... :y :y  I won't discuss any of your business on here... :-X  That does not sound good though.... :o :( :'(  It's even beyond my 'pay grade' you really need to discuss further with your GP for a referral to a specialist, if I can be of any further help let me know..... :y

If it is as bad as that he could get the treatment on the "Embarassing Bodies" TV program, no one will ever know.  :P ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 25 February 2013, 09:44:00
Thank you for your PM, as I said, confidentiality is assured.... :y :y  I won't discuss any of your business on here... :-X  That does not sound good though.... :o :( :'(  It's even beyond my 'pay grade' you really need to discuss further with your GP for a referral to a specialist, if I can be of any further help let me know..... :y
Vamps, if you'd seen the disgraceful pics he's been sending me, well maybe you have I don't know, then I agree he needs help. A little incontinence is perhaps not surprising. :o
Get well soon Esta. :-X
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 25 February 2013, 10:14:10
Thank you,all, for your concern. I have, however, been to see a specialist who has prescribed a medical cork.
It is inserted in the anus before going to sleep. I had to wait to have one made up as it is an unusual size.
It must not be removed before you are actually seated on the lavatory, in case of 'bum rush', and some farty noises are to be expected immediately after withdrawal. Seems to have done the trick for now but the wife insists that I sleep 'arsehole away' from her in case of the 'champagne bottle' effect.
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 25 February 2013, 10:20:02
....in case she gets shot you mean?
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 25 February 2013, 10:21:19
....in case she gets shot you mean?
I sure you'd have no problem imagining the implications, Chris. ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: 05omegav6 on 25 February 2013, 10:24:52
This is in the wrong section steve, there's nothing technical about a 'follow through'. Thanks for the bloody good laugh though! ;D :y

Fair's fair :y it was technically a question ;D

Sounds like Vamps has got your yaris covered :o try Ambersil foaming upholstery cleaner for the matress (sold in helfrods :y)

That'll learn you for wearing nowt in bed though ;D no wonder you're always getting manflu ::)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: feeutfo on 25 February 2013, 10:33:27
....in case she gets shot you mean?
I sure you'd have no problem imagining the implications, Chris. ::)
look you, don't turn this round on me. From what I've seen you'll have trouble holding "anything" in there at all. :o
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 25 February 2013, 10:35:56
should have got a screw in type me thinks :o :o :y
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 25 February 2013, 10:39:25
hey why not use a large light bulb wife can plug you in and use you as a bedside lamp least you will have some use in bed :-* ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: Sir Tigger KC on 25 February 2013, 13:16:26
No good Lovelength! The poor old boy's got no power any more...  :(
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 25 February 2013, 14:13:59
he got wind power by the sounds of things :o ;D ;D
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 25 February 2013, 15:20:43
Wind power. Hmmmmm....perhaps I should sell my output to national grid. :-\
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: paul.lovejoy on 25 February 2013, 15:46:47
and the waste products to a local farmer ;) ;)
Title: Re: A technical question
Post by: STMO123 on 25 February 2013, 15:50:11
and the waste products to a local farmer ;) ;)
I'm rich!!!!

Of course, I'll have to move abroad now. :P