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[Sir Tigger KC]

PP you don't say how you know bf was IN the bath with the little girl.... Was the door open? Did you see them? What did the carer say about it at the time?  Does TL know about it?

As most have said you know what you have to do.  The little girls welfare is paramount and yes your relationship with TL will be affected, but doing nothing is not an option!

[peter.pan]

TL told *me*

She's not happy, but not horrified (which I am).

I think she wants my opinion before making any big decisions,
which I'm not happy about giving without a LOT of thought.
and she WILL listen to my opinion, hence the reason I don't want to
give it lightly.

My first reaction was get rid, preferably in a deep hole.

She trusts him, but we've both known people who, shall we say? didn't deserve the trust
they were given.

[Kevin Wood]

TL told *me*

She's not happy, but not horrified (which I am).

That speaks volumes, IMHO. If anyone would know if this guy's relationship with the child is such that this is likely to be innocent, it is her mother.

[tigers_gonads]

TL told *me*

She's not happy, but not horrified (which I am).

I think she wants my opinion before making any big decisions,
which I'm not happy about giving without a LOT of thought.
and she WILL listen to my opinion, hence the reason I don't want to
give it lightly.

My first reaction was get rid, preferably in a deep hole.

She trusts him, but we've both known people who, shall we say? didn't deserve the trust
they were given.

Ah, now I understand where your coming from.
Sorry, I was under the impresion that TL was not conserned 

And what has she said to him about it ?

At the end of the day, your role (as a friend) is to support TL in whatever she decides to do about it.

[Dishevelled Den]

TL told *me*

She's not happy, but not horrified (which I am).

That's wasn't obvious (to me at least) from your original post PP.

In that case, having known about this incident - and being the child's mother - TL in the best position to decide whether or not it was appropriate based on her ongoing relationship with this man and it sounds as if she is (at the least) tolerant of what happened.

Your dilemma seems to be that should you express your views TL’s relationship with this man, and perhaps also with you, may be irreparably damaged. TL is asking for your view here so, if you think the actions of this man were ‘horrifying’ then surely you must tell her that?

Where young people or children of tender years are concerned there can be no half measures when it comes to their welfare – they must exist in a non-threatening environment and any person tolerating their living in anything else but –for the sake of maintaining a relationship, or avoiding hard decisions about it, will only make matters worse for all concerned.

To my mind there can be no question of reticence here, your opinion was asked for – make it known and let the child’s mother decide what to do.