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[dbug]

Worth checking out possible side effects of the pills on the net

[dad machine]

Hi, I have just retired on ill health grounds from the NHS. I worked as a specialist community mental health nurse for older people until last year.
 You need to contact your GP as soon as possible. Your GP then needs to do the following,
1. Check for any infection. It is quite common for an older person with either a chest infection or urine infection to become more confused and distressed. You could save time by getting your mother to do a urine sample. If she has an infection, then once treated she should be back to normal in a week or two. A sign of infection is rapidly increased confusion.
2. Get your GP to refer your mother to the local mental health team. This will mean your mother is given a thorough assessment by a specialist team. GP's will often prescribe medication as a first option. A mental health team can assess on the same day if you and/or your GP are concerned. It is important you stress to your GP the significant risks involved. The mental health team will also refer to social services. There is help for people in their own homes with care packages and such. The general idea is to support people in their own home as long as any risks can be minimised.

Each individual is different. A potential move to a residential or care home should mean your mother is safer but she will be more confused in new surroundings. I have seen people move into homes and greatly enjoy the increased social interaction. This also takes a lot of pressure from the family. In the future maybe a few periods of respite in a home could be the way forward to 'test the water'.
If you need any further advice I would be very happy to help.
Yours, Chris

[Terbs]

Thanks Chris

We are waiting for a call from the GP today.
We had mental health in a while back, but is was so distressing for my mother we had to stop them. One of the major problems is her need to be with others, although this is negated when she decides she wants to stay at home. Small respite, if we can get her there seems the best way forward. Home care packages also seem a good idea as at least people will be going in the flat and talking with her.
Unfortunately, as others know on here, we have had bad experiences with Carers and hired help, in as much as my mother-in-law had two situations of money going missing to the tune of £500. So you can see we are sceptical of 'strangers' going into our parents flats.
Social Services basically wiped their hands of the situation, coming out with all sorts of excuses.
We will see how things go, and I may pm you for advice if needed

Tony

[Kevin Wood]

1. Check for any infection. It is quite common for an older person with either a chest infection or urine infection to become more confused and distressed.

Yep, this is what initially kicked off my grand-mother-in-law's issues. She made a complete recovery once things finally got sorted out.

[Entwood]

M-I-L has advanced Alzheimer's, and it is not good. Over the past 8 years she has deteriorated to the extent that she does not even know her own daughter. Her husband did a great deal for many years, and should be praised .. he is after all 86 himself !!

I persuaded him some while back to get Power of Attorney, he resisted but now sees the benefit.

2 years ago she moved into full-time residential care.. and her quality of life has improved. Her husband did what he could, but given his age and abilities, he provided little stimulus for her, so she ended up sleeping 80% of the time. The home has qualified and trained staff who are able to stimulate and encourage, she has put on weight and is far more healthy - physically - than she was at home.

The only decent advice I can give is to get advice from the professionals... you have to steal yourself, and your family, to the fact that the sufferer will be very happy in their own little world, where ever it happens to be at any particular moment ... but that you and yours are, in reality, no longer a part of that world.

It hurts, and it hurts the family more than most, as an "in law" I can be slightly more detached .. but Chris, and her family, have to bear the brunt. It has affected Chris's sister so badly she now says she has no mother, and has made no effort to see or contact her for 5 years .... which hurts Chris even more .....  and so the vicious circle starts ....

and there is absolutely nothing that you or I can do about it ..

[Michael2.6]

Mrs Michael here,
reading your post, it was like i had wrote it, it was identical to my mam, every detail, she used to say her carers were trying to steal a old pair of boots she had, and was accusing me of being after her money. she would come to our house with scissors and screwdrivers in her handbag, in case someone stole them. this went on for a period of 2years, and we to could not decide what to do with mam. this decision was taken away from us when i got phone call saying she had burnt her flat down, she was in sheltered accomadation at the time. she was ok, had put an incontinent pad on the oven ring, hoping it would dry it out. we went up, she tried to go back in to get her purse when it was on fire, a male tenant had to pull her out. we couldnt cope with her, luckily the local home had a place, could stay till we decided what to do. Her reaction, dont leave me here, i will die in here.
she died a year later in that home, its a cruel disease, that was 6years ago. Then Michaels dad had the same, 4years he had it
his mam wouldnt put him in a home and may i say did a brilliant job looking after him, he died last november.
Only you can decide what to do, it difficult, i did feel guilty leaving mam in that home, but at least i knew she was safe, and ok
Hope it all gets sorted for you, its surprising what help you can get, but you have to enquire because no one knocks on your door and tells you the help you will get, we learnt all that, it tough but chin up.

[dad machine]

Following on from other posts. In my past experience in mental health nursing with older persons, I have supported numerous families as their loved one moves into a home.
The general experience is that families try and cope and keep their parents at home but become increasingly stressed and tired as this becomes a harder and harder task and it soon takes over your life. This then starts to become a chore and can lead to anger and even resentment.
The move into a home is obviously upsetting for all involved but the things to remember is that they are (or should be) receiving 24 hour care and support, are having more social interaction and can feel more safe and secure than being on their own. You also need to think that when you visit the home, the time you spend with your relative is not spent attending to meals, cleaning and other chores but is quality time actually spent with them. Most residential / nursing homes have no problem with you visiting whenever you want and taking them out for lunch and such.
One last tip: visit at any any prospective residential / nursing home without telling them in advance. Once there, see what is going on in terms of staff talking to the residents and activities going on. Reject the home if all the clients are sat in chairs at one end of the room, and all the staff sat talking at the other end!
 Having said all this, alot of people who hsve significant memory problems can manage at home providing they are in a familiar environment and there is a lot of support out there

[cleggy]

Following on from other posts. In my past experience in mental health nursing with older persons, I have supported numerous families as their loved one moves into a home.
The general experience is that families try and cope and keep their parents at home but become increasingly stressed and tired as this becomes a harder and harder task and it soon takes over your life. This then starts to become a chore and can lead to anger and even resentment.
The move into a home is obviously upsetting for all involved but the things to remember is that they are (or should be) receiving 24 hour care and support, are having more social interaction and can feel more safe and secure than being on their own. You also need to think that when you visit the home, the time you spend with your relative is not spent attending to meals, cleaning and other chores but is quality time actually spent with them. Most residential / nursing homes have no problem with you visiting whenever you want and taking them out for lunch and such.
One last tip: visit at any any prospective residential / nursing home without telling them in advance. Once there, see what is going on in terms of staff talking to the residents and activities going on. Reject the home if all the clients are sat in chairs at one end of the room, and all the staff sat talking at the other end! Having said all this, alot of people who hsve significant memory problems can manage at home providing they are in a familiar environment and there is a lot of support out there
[/quote.

Or the place smells like a urinal. It is all very well in theory but unfortunately it comes down to where a place is available and the cost. We found that mum got more attention from the staff the more we visited, even it it was just to pop in for 10 ninutes.

[dad machine]

Very true. In my experience the more you visit, ask questions and generally show a keen interest the greater the chance of receiving better care. This is not just in homes but in the hospital setting aswell.

[Terbs]

At Last !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, the GP rang yesterday, to start with a bit nonchalant, but after my 'forceful' tone, he now says he will refer her back to Bucks Mental Health, they will go through the tests, report to him, and he said....''If she has to go into a home, the NHS will pay half the costs'
The attitude to start with was because she feeds herself, washes, etc etc its not a problem....when I said about the electric cables, he paused.....and we then headed toeards a result.
He must know !!!!

I had a phone call from mum at 7.30pm last night, she was panicing and said 'Oh thank god I got you' she said. 'they want to take my piano over the other side to sing songs at Christmas'.
She is obsessed with Christmas at the moment.
Lord only knows what that is all about......then we went on for another ten minutes of pure tosh.

But, as I said....the ball is rolling. I dread the 'shrink' coming, I don't know whether they are all the same, but the bullish attitude of the last sessions, left my mum in a state of acute distress, and I had to sit and watch it. Its 'no holds barred' with them

[dad machine]

Let's hope you get a more understanding Psychiatrist this time.
Most do treat the clients with the respect they deserve. Unfortunately like all doctors, there are always those who are too full of their own self-importance.
 I hope you soon get this sorted and your experience of the mental health profession is much better this time

[Michael2.6]

They can go back years ago, but ask them a question, what have you had for dinner today?they cant tell you. Michaels dad would just stand up and say, come on we have to see the people to their seats in church, he for a while worked in the funeral profession, i sat with him on saturday afternoons while his mam went shopping, it was the only time she had to herself, but thats how she wanted it. Now just today rang his mam and she acting strange, she had switched electric off and told Michael her boiler not working, he went up and she just was weird, the signs are not good, seen it all before, we got her down here for tea, and i will see for myself how she acting, then decide what we need to do.

[Michael2.6]

Michaels mam was really weird yesterday, talking rubbish, and went to toilet and took all me stuff off the shelves, stuffing bog roll down sink, tring to hang towel on me! outcome, went to docs today, think she had mini stroke, not what we were thinking, she at hospital having tests, she very anemic that can cause lot problems. hope you got sorted with your mam terbert

[pscocoa]

It is a struggle to make sure your parents engage in conversation that makes sense "to them".

If you talk to my dad about what he did 2 hours ago then forget it.

But ask him to reel off the Kings and Queens of England or the birth and death dates of Great Composers then he is there immediately.

The trouble is if you visit and try and explain your day there is limited mileage in this - you have to find the common ground which maybe not so much common ground for you but at least you can be research it if you are prepared to invest the time. The exercise is interesting in itself but when you see glimmers and recognition of events then it makes a big difference.

I am also moving to a new phase with my parents - I have seen the problems of water infection and reaction to drugs  affecting my in laws behaviour and disorientation - they have both sadly passed away in last year. My parents are older, better educated in terms of keeping grey matter ticking over (not being  be snobbish about this but it is a factor) and reading /doing puzzles etc.

Much is about interaction in terms they can connect with and none of us are experts in this area. Bottom line is do your best and do not give up. Identify past times and events with which they can relate and generate a conversation. Recognise that you can go one day and they are fine and next day they are confused due to medical condition.