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Author Topic: Still Bored  (Read 930 times)

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Mr Skrunts

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Still Bored
« on: 02 July 2008, 00:29:57 »
[size=14]The Truth Behind Lonely Hearts
This article explains the truth behind what people say in lonely hearts[/size]

[size=12]WOMEN

Athletic - flat chested
Commitment-minded - start choosing curtains
Communicative - just try to get a word in
Emotionally secure - on medication
Employed - has job stuffing envelopes at home
Exotic beauty - would frighten a Martian
Fortyish - 48
Fun - annoying
Light drinker - lush
Loves travel - you're paying!
Non-traditional - ex-husband lives in the basement
Old fashioned - lights out, missionary
Open minded - desperate
Poet - Depressive schizoid
Rubenesque - grossly fat
Stunning - up my own arse
Romantic - looks better in candle light
Spiritual - involved in a cult
Wants soulmate - one step away from stalker
Young at heart - toothless crone

MEN

Athletic - watches football
Average looking - Unusual hair growth
Distinguished looking - fat and grey
Educated - will treat you like the idiot you are
Fortyish - 52, wants 25 year old
Free spirit - shags your sister
Friendship first - As long as it involves nudity
Likes to cuddle - can't get it up
Good looking - Arrogant bastard
Honest - Pathological liar
Huggable - overweight with more body hair than Chewbacca
Light drinker - pisshead
Looks younger - in a bad light
Open minded - wants to shag your sister but she is refusing
Outgoing - loud
Poet - wrote a limerick in a shitter
Professional - owns a suit
Sensitive - closet hommer
Spiritual - had to go to church to get christened
Stable - Stalker (occasionally)[/size]
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Still Bored
« Reply #1 on: 02 July 2008, 00:31:55 »
Lonely Heart  


 A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her
 life, so she placed a personal ad that read:
 
 RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE
 FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
 
 1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
 2. WON'T RUN AWAY
 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
 
 For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was
 ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail.
 None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
 
 Then one day the doorbell rang yet again.  She opened the door to
 find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat.
 Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
 
 "Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your
 dreams.  I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no
 legs, so I can't run away."
 
 The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in
 bed?"
 
 To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
 
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Vamps

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Re: Still Bored
« Reply #2 on: 02 July 2008, 00:32:42 »
Quote
[size=14]The Truth Behind Lonely Hearts
This article explains the truth behind what people say in lonely hearts[/size]

[size=12]WOMEN

Athletic - flat chested
Commitment-minded - start choosing curtains
Communicative - just try to get a word in
Emotionally secure - on medication
Employed - has job stuffing envelopes at home
Exotic beauty - would frighten a Martian
Fortyish - 48
Fun - annoying
Light drinker - lush
Loves travel - you're paying!
Non-traditional - ex-husband lives in the basement
Old fashioned - lights out, missionary
Open minded - desperate
Poet - Depressive schizoid
Rubenesque - grossly fat
Stunning - up my own arse
Romantic - looks better in candle light
Spiritual - involved in a cult
Wants soulmate - one step away from stalker
Young at heart - toothless crone

MEN

Athletic - watches football
Average looking - Unusual hair growth
Distinguished looking - fat and grey
Educated - will treat you like the idiot you are
Fortyish - 52, wants 25 year old
Free spirit - shags your sister
Friendship first - As long as it involves nudity
Likes to cuddle - can't get it up
Good looking - Arrogant barsteward
Honest - Pathological liar
Huggable - overweight with more body hair than Chewbacca
Light drinker - pisshead
Looks younger - in a bad light
Open minded - wants to shag your sister but she is refusing
Outgoing - loud
Poet - wrote a limerick in a naffter
Professional - owns a suit
Sensitive - closet hommer
Spiritual - had to go to church to get christened
Stable - Stalker (occasionally)[/size]

How on earth did you find my add............ ;D ;D ;D
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Mr Skrunts

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Re: Still Bored
« Reply #3 on: 02 July 2008, 00:34:28 »
Research after you made comment on the Singles People Pole.   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :y
« Last Edit: 02 July 2008, 14:16:49 by skruntie »
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Field Marshal Dr. Opti

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Re: Still Bored
« Reply #4 on: 02 July 2008, 11:35:22 »
lonely heart. I like that one....... ;D ;D ;D
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