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[Mr Skrunts]

Be careful to whom you brag


After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.

The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says : Damn, My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What’s going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.

[Mr Skrunts]

Tonight’s the night - Sex therapist


A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the
frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for
certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went
down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the
person’s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often
each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to
ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man
said no. “Once a day, then?” Again the answer was no. “Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

When the doctor asked, “Once a year?” the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn’t worked with this
individual, and he asked the man, “What the heck are you so happy
about?”

The man answered, “Tonight’s the night!”

[Mr Skrunts]

Old Golfer


A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

[Mr Skrunts]

Joe’s Awful Haircut


A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?”

The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome.

“ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?”

“We’re taking TWA,” the man replies.

“TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late! So where you staying in Rome?”

The man says “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.”

“That DUMP?!” says Joe. “That’s the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they’re overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?”

The man says “We’re going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.”

“HA! That’s rich!” laughs Joe. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe says, “Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!”

“No, quite the opposite” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot!”

“Hmmm,” Joe says, “Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described.”

“No, quite the opposite! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling. It’s the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!”

“Well,” Joe mumbles, “I KNOW you didn’t get to see the Pope!”

“Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”

Impressed, Joe asks, “Tell me, please! What’d he say?”

“Oh, not much really. Just ‘Where’d you get that awful haircut?”

[Mr Skrunts]

The Perfect Husband


There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - “Hello?”
W - “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H - “Yes.”
W -”Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw
a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H -”What’s the price?”
W - “Only $1,000.”

H - “Well, OK, goes ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W -”Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the
2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with
the salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year…

H - “What price did he quote you?”
W - “Only $65,000…”

H - “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W - “Great! But before we hang up, something else…

H - “What?”
W - “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house
we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a
pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

H - “How much are they asking?”
W - “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price…and I see that we have
that much in the bank to cover…”

H - “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”
W - “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

H - “Bye…I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking
at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while
holding the phone and asks “Does anyone know who this Cell phone
belong to???”

So guys keep your Mobile safe from now :p

[Mr Skrunts]

How the old rich man made his fortune


A young man asked an old rich man how he made his fortune.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was
1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the
apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the
entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I
continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a
fortune of $1.37.

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

[sir moanalot]

 

[cem_devecioglu]

 

[chunk]

Good jokes Skruntie. I like your style