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[Mr Skrunts]

Flying Blonde


The plane is on its way to Houston , when a blonde in economy class gets up

and moves to the first class section and sits down.



The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She

then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will

have to sit back in her seat.



The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston , and

I'm staying right here."



The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the

co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class who belongs in

economy and won't move back to her seat.



The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she

only paid for economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston , and

I'm staying right here."



The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police

waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."



He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm

sorry." And she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.



The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to

make her move without any fuss.

He replies, "I told her, `First class isn't going to Houston .'"

[Mr Skrunts]

Shoot her!


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.



Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.



The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."



The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

[Mr Skrunts]

Game Of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

[Mr Skrunts]

You've got Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

[Mr Skrunts]

Horrific Accident

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

[Mr Skrunts]

Flight School

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!

The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said,
"I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.

I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

[Mr Skrunts]

Blonde School Girl

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."

[Mr Skrunts]

Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
"So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh ..22!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

"And can you tell us your height, please?".
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' "

[The Elite]

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy
plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.

The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car
and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Buffie.

Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One
minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . .
and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open!
And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is
dragging it to the car.

About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank
doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I
thought you understood the plan!" Buffie said, "I did . . . I did
exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up.
I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

[Mr Skrunts]

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

    "I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

    "No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

    "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

    "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

[Mr Skrunts]

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

    "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

    "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

    "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

[Debs.]

 .... .... .... .... ....

[Mr Skrunts]

.... .... .... .... ....

I have just found some more and was ready to post them when I found your post.

Now I feel guilty

In my defence, I can't say as I have ever met a Dumb Blonde, I have seen a few that come accross as dizzy.  One of them was Anne Aston on the Golden Shot many years ago, she was taken on for the job for her Maths atrributes.  But when the show started she got an attack of the nerves and startted adding up the scores on her fingers.  Dumb, certainly not, but her quick thinking made her a house hold name.

Hostess Anne Aston who appeared to struggle with mental arithmetic was on hand to read out the scores achieved by the contestants, and each month a 'Maid of the Month', usually a glamour model of the day, would demonstrate the prizes and announce the contestants.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Golden_Shot

[Mr Skrunts]

Proof That Blondes Are Not Really Dumb

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
Funny Dumb Blonde Jokes

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies, "Yes."

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."

[Mr Skrunts]

To Be Fair, Blondes Are Not the Only Ones To Lock Their Keys In the Car

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."