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[Mr Skrunts]

     Sheep vs. Women
      

      * Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth
      * You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear
      * Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather
      * Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease
      * Nuttin' beats mutton
      * Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel
      * Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early
      * Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down
      * Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them
      * No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe
      * Sheep are never concerened about their reputation
      * Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up
      * Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time
      * Sheep never insist on eating out
      * You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson
      * Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late
      * Sheep don't smell like tuna fish
      * Sheep don't get moody once a month
      * You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth
      * A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay
      * A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed
      * A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon
      * A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car
      * A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains
      * A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay
      * A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup
      * A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy
      * A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator
      * A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom
      * A sheep will never sue you for palimony
      * A sheep won't care if you screw her sister
      * A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is
      * A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing
      * A sheep won't use you razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can
      * Sheep never have a headache
      * A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill
      * A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom
      * A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons
      * Sheep grow their own fur coats
      * A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football
      * Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend
      * A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning
      * Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex
      * A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up
      * A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator
      * A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style
      * A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom
      * Sheep are "ram tough"
      * A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth
      * Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on
      * Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning
      * Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck
      * A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it
      * A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber

[theolodian]

Mel Gibson?  Must be an old list.  

[Mr Skrunts]

    Desert Island
      

      A cargo ship was sailing across the sea from Spain to New York with a shipment of animals for a local pet store. They saw an island and decided to land and see if it was inhabited. As they were sailing up to the shore, the waves suddenly shifted and sent the ship plunging into the reef. The only survivors were a man, a sheep and a dog. The man survived on the island well enough on wool from the sheep for clothing, food from the plants on the island, and companionship from the dog.

This went on for quite sometime, when the man started feeling his...uh..."manly urges" arising. He ignored them for awhile, but they eventually got too strong to bear. He was looking around for some way to relieve these urges, when his eyes fell upon the sheep. "Well, no one will ever know" he thought. He caught the sheep and started "performing the deed", when the dog came up and attacked him. He ran off and the dog stopped. When he went for the sheep a second time, the dog attacked again. This went on for awhile, until the man finally accepted defeat.

He climbed to the top of a cliff and was about to throw himself off, when on the horizon he noticed a sailing ship heading his way. He signaled for help, and the ship prepared to land on the island. Just as it was about to, the waves shifted again and threw the ship against the reef. The man could hardly believe it! But, he looked down on the beach and saw someone pull themself out of the water and collapse there on the sand. He races down and discovered it was an absolutely gorgeous woman.

He administered CPR on her and soon she was revived. She was so happy to be alive, that she looked at him and said "For saving my life, I'll do anything you want." The man looked at her with growing excitement. "Anything!" he exclaimed. "Anything your little heart desires." she said. "What'll it be? What do you want me to do?" The man looked at her and said, "Here, take this damn dog for a walk will ya?

[cem_devecioglu]