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[dbug]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won five grand with Claims Direct.
**********
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh s**t, it's Global Warming.
************
Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front
............But she didn't wear that one very often.

************
Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.

************
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon Pies you d**khead.

************
Mary had a little lamb it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ar*e and turned its wool to nylon.

************
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cause he was gay.

************
Jack and Jill Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

[Omega man 2]

Great

[gwa]

Well.... you've managed to insult the integrity of:
Builders
Weather Forecasters
Those with learning difficulties
Vegetarians
The Gay community

And I ain't sure about the 'hill walkers'!!
 

Edit: Sorry, I forgot the Insurance Industry  

How about:

The Boy stood on the burning deck

[nick v6]

nice 1

mary had a little lamb
she kept it in a bucket
every time the dog got out
the dog tried to f**k it

[dispondent 1]

 

[gwa]

Ah, its one of those...

Mary had a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin
She took it behind the garden shed
and kicked its bloomin head in

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone

When she got over

Rover took over

And gave her a bone of his own

William Shakepeare
 

[Omega man 2]

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

A spider came along,
Miss Muffet could care less.
She was too busy admiring
Her new designer dress.

[Omega man 2]

Beat me by a few seconds

[nick v6]

Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb,
she called him Little Ralph,
But now he's burning in a field
Because of foot and mouth

Farmer Jones has got no sheep
Isn't life a drag?
Coz they're all burning in a field....
He's got nothing left to shag

Mary had a little lamb,
she called him little ed,
now he's lying in a field,
with a pick axe through his head!

all these was from my mother

[gwa]

Brill  

[Darth Loo-knee]

Very Good  

[Omega man 2]

Some more

This little piggy was burglar,
This little piggy was a thief,
This little piggy broke in my house,
This little piggy came to grief,
This little piggy squealed 'Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee!

He walloped me and now I'll claim relief!
A modern thif in no way is naïf!
My legal aid will buy a fancy brief!
And then I'm off to live in Tenerife!'

Little Miss Muffet
Lay on a tuffet,
Her legs and her fingers entwined.

But sneaky Jack Horner
Crept out from a corner
To warn her, "It makes you go blind!"