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[hotel21]

As per the title....

I have just read the now (sadly) locked thread of Gaffers regarding the above and agree wholeheartedly with its initial sentiments.

We had similar whilst at the Scottish Police College with dining in nights, proper full dress, passing the port, speeches and toasts etc etc etc.  Afterwards, all off to the large comfy lounge with (Chesterfields?) couches, the open fire and nightcaps.  Many a capture was retold to a varied mixture of surprise, understanding, mickey taking and my tale is going to be taller than yours...   

Also, similar to Gaffers to be had by me as but a plooky yoof in the Merchant Navy.  Proper dress for meals in the saloon, duty mess hovel if in a boilersuit, upstairs into the bar for brandy and medals afterwards.

Main theme through all the above is....

We talked and discussed matters with common interest, disputed things that annoyed us (sometimes quite heatedly...) but, most importantly, understood and made allowances for all sorts and never to adopt any moral high ground against another, and particularly to never make assumptions as to the person.

Conversation....  Great stuff....      

[TheBoy]

Bang on

[tunnie]

i've never seen 'allowances' for me being a student  Just a constant pi$$ take 

But... its all good stuff, and i take the pi$$ too, some people take things way too seriously

[STMO999]

As per the title....

I have just read the now (sadly) locked thread of Gaffers regarding the above and agree wholeheartedly with its initial sentiments.

We had similar whilst at the Scottish Police College with dining in nights, proper full dress, passing the port, speeches and toasts etc etc etc.  Afterwards, all off to the large comfy lounge with (Chesterfields?) couches, the open fire and nightcaps.  Many a capture was retold to a varied mixture of surprise, understanding, mickey taking and my tale is going to be taller than yours...   

Also, similar to Gaffers to be had by me as but a plooky yoof in the Merchant Navy.  Proper dress for meals in the saloon, duty mess hovel if in a boilersuit, upstairs into the bar for brandy and medals afterwards.

Main theme through all the above is....

We talked and discussed matters with common interest, disputed things that annoyed us (sometimes quite heatedly...) but, most importantly, understood and made allowances for all sorts and never to adopt any moral high ground against another, and particularly to never make assumptions as to the person.

Conversation....  Great stuff....      

You can do all of that in any boozer, minus the dress code.

[albitz]

Very nicely worded indeed H21, but way too subtle to do its intended job imo.

[hotel21]

As per the title....

I have just read the now (sadly) locked thread of Gaffers regarding the above and agree wholeheartedly with its initial sentiments.

We had similar whilst at the Scottish Police College with dining in nights, proper full dress, passing the port, speeches and toasts etc etc etc.  Afterwards, all off to the large comfy lounge with (Chesterfields?) couches, the open fire and nightcaps.  Many a capture was retold to a varied mixture of surprise, understanding, mickey taking and my tale is going to be taller than yours...   

Also, similar to Gaffers to be had by me as but a plooky yoof in the Merchant Navy.  Proper dress for meals in the saloon, duty mess hovel if in a boilersuit, upstairs into the bar for brandy and medals afterwards.

Main theme through all the above is....

We talked and discussed matters with common interest, disputed things that annoyed us (sometimes quite heatedly...) but, most importantly, understood and made allowances for all sorts and never to adopt any moral high ground against another, and particularly to never make assumptions as to the person.

Conversation....  Great stuff....      

You can do all of that in any boozer, minus the dress code.

Exactly my point and, I think, that initially posted by Gaffers.   

You certainly cannot argue that the British Merchant Navy (as was, now, sadly, not really any longer) nor indeed the Police Service were bastions of the 'bool in mooth' types of monied background and disputable ability.  Both are as classless as they come, in my opinion..... 

[STMO999]

Very nicely worded indeed H21, but way too subtle to do its intended job imo.

You stirrin it again Sunshine?

[Entwood]

H21 .. what you have just described is a "conversation" .. where one person speaks and the other listens, the roles are then reversed.

Modern pubs, TV, family, whatever all seem to think that standing shouting at each other is getting their point across... no-one actualy listens to anything anyone else says .. only to themselves.

Those who have never taken part in "mess life" where old fashioned rules of etiquette, politeness and friendliness, even when in disagreement, will never understand, and unfortunately many don't even want to.... believing instead the "privelidged" idea pushed out by the Sun and other tabloids.

There is no way I could ever be "termed" priveliged ... my father came from the Old Traford area of Manchester from between the wars. It took me some while to understand "mess rules" but they work because they have been formulated over many years... and they work..... 

I did 38 years "in the mess" and I wouldn't change a single thing.

[Pitchfork]

It occurs to me that the same people become abusive in their responses to postings & perhaps the 'Banned' option should be exercised until they make a commitment to be civil i.e. Yellow Card

[Banjax]

there was a class war and i missed it??? damn 

[hotel21]

H21 .. what you have just described is a "conversation" .. where one person speaks and the other listens, the roles are then reversed.

Modern pubs, TV, family, whatever all seem to think that standing shouting at each other is getting their point across... no-one actualy listens to anything anyone else says .. only to themselves.

Those who have never taken part in "mess life" where old fashioned rules of etiquette, politeness and friendliness, even when in disagreement, will never understand, and unfortunately many don't even want to.... believing instead the "privelidged" idea pushed out by the Sun and other tabloids.

There is no way I could ever be "termed" priveliged ... my father came from the Old Traford area of Manchester from between the wars. It took me some while to understand "mess rules" but they work because they have been formulated over many years... and they work..... 

I did 38 years "in the mess" and I wouldn't change a single thing.

Hence the title, the art of respectful conversation....   

Can be had by a handfull of old codgers playing dominoes or brag in the snug, by a group in a bar, by relative strangers on a web forum, folks sat upon around a pool on a fortnight to Benidorm, or within the confines/limits/rules of the 'mess' environment.  Either way, a respectfull conversation ensues within aknowledged limits and, in respect of Gaffers (and others) situation, a further understanding that, when the chips go down, you can rely on the professionalism of your erstwhile mess combattant to watch your back when it gets a tad rough, irrespective of their background...  8-)

[pedroMV6]

The art of Conversation is about dead, in my opinion.

Where one would put across his opinion to another and get shot down in the gentlest of terms, or be in total agreement in reply.

Mind you, that's how wars start!

[albitz]

It occurs to me that the same people become abusive in their responses to postings & perhaps the 'Banned' option should be exercised until they make a commitment to be civil i.e. Yellow Card

Seconded.

[feeutfo]

It occurs to me that the same people become abusive in their responses to postings & perhaps the 'Banned' option should be exercised until they make a commitment to be civil i.e. Yellow Card

Seconded.

nope, we're all learning, not all about cars...conversation too. I've learnt alot on here, how "not" to behave being one of them....maybe? possibly?
 :-/

....i guess you do have to learn though.

[STMO999]

It occurs to me that the same people become abusive in their responses to postings & perhaps the 'Banned' option should be exercised until they make a commitment to be civil i.e. Yellow Card

Seconded.

nope, we're all learning, not all about cars...conversation too. I've learnt alot on here, how "not" to behave being one of them....maybe? possibly?
 :-/

....i guess you do have to learn though.

Yes. I taught you well, my son.