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Please play nicely.  No one wants to listen/read a keyboard warriors rants....

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Author Topic: Sticky for Jokes  (Read 1174615 times)

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STEMO

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #705 on: 16 January 2016, 21:06:31 »
Just had a giggle...keep them coming... ;D :y
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #706 on: 19 January 2016, 13:37:19 »
Guy goes to the doctors complaining of hearing loss.
Doc says "can you describe the symptoms?"
Guy replies "Homers a fat bastard and Marge has got blue hair"
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #707 on: 20 January 2016, 09:35:30 »
 Count your Blessings!
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments while drinking coffee.
“My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.
“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad, I can’t even see my coffee”.
“I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,” volunteered a third.
“What? Speak up! I can’t hear you!” shouted another.
“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth senior, to which several others nodded weakly in agreement.
“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!” exclaimed another.
“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said another.
I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old”, winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.
“Well, count your blessings,” said a woman, “thank God we can all still drive”!
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #708 on: 20 January 2016, 09:36:01 »
A wealthy Nigerian Prince has died and left all his millions to a cat.
He said he tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his e-mails.
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #709 on: 20 January 2016, 09:37:49 »
A woman walks into a bar and asks for an innuendo, so the barman gives her one
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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they aren’t a robot.

STEMO

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #710 on: 20 January 2016, 10:41:24 »
Quote from: Varche on 20 January 2016, 09:36:01
A wealthy Nigerian Prince has died and left all his millions to a cat.
He said he tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his e-mails.
;D
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Andy H

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #711 on: 27 January 2016, 19:52:43 »
Are my testicles black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed,the young nurse replies, "I don't know,Sir.  I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me.  Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart
rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,Sir.  They look fine."


The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and
says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.  Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test
- results - back?"



   
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"Deja Moo - The feeling that you've heard this bull somewhere before."

Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #712 on: 04 February 2016, 12:12:52 »
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sit down at the table next to him. Because she's wearing a uniform, he quickly concludes that she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto: “ To Fly. To Serve. "
The woman looks at him blankly...
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: “ Winning the hearts of the world."
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysia Airlines motto:” Going beyond expectations"
The woman looks at him sternly and says, "What the hell do you want?"
"Aha," he says, "Ryanair"
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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #713 on: 12 February 2016, 10:55:06 »
I don't normally post utube links but like this one of an NZ TV news reader.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR9XbucqHwo&feature=youtu.be

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Varche

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #714 on: 13 February 2016, 12:14:53 »
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Andy H

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #715 on: 16 February 2016, 22:17:29 »
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
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"Deja Moo - The feeling that you've heard this bull somewhere before."

Andy H

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #716 on: 16 February 2016, 22:19:28 »
An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.
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"Deja Moo - The feeling that you've heard this bull somewhere before."

henryd

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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #717 on: 18 February 2016, 00:13:49 »
Quote from: Andy H on 16 February 2016, 22:17:29
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

 ;D ;D
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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #718 on: 19 February 2016, 14:22:08 »
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Re: Sticky for Jokes
« Reply #719 on: 19 February 2016, 22:08:41 »
A man is walking through the jungle.He sees a monkey  with a can opener,he tells the monkey.You don't need a can opener to open a banana.The monkey replies,its for the custard you idiot.  ;D ;D
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