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[Raeturbo]

Old but priceless   

[dave the builder]

No salting the roads or gritters this year

"BLACK ICE matters"

[dave the builder]

During the Covid 19 lock-down ,If you had family round at Christmas , Police could force entry and make them go home .

Does anybody know if this service is still available , and if you have to book in advance ?   

[Varche]

Did you heaar about the dyslexic Devil Worshipper who sold his soul To Santa

[Varche]

Dry January is dragging on a bit

[Sir Tigger KC]

[JasonH]

It’s now been six months since I joined the gym and still I see no improvements. I’ll have to go there in person tomorrow to find out what the problem is.

[JasonH]

I joined a nudist colony a few weeks ago… first few days were the hardest.

The owner of Dulux has been found dead from hypothermia… police said he needed another coat.

[Sir Tigger KC]

A blonde goes to the Doctors.

Doctor, why do I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina?

The amused Doctor replied, Those aren't postage stamps, they're the stickers you'll see on bananas!

[Sir Tigger KC]

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterward, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

[ronnyd]

She was being a bit hard boiled. 

[STEMO]

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterward, she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

A twenty second boiled egg? Yuk.

[Raeturbo]

Pity she wasn’t cooking a Christmas pudding🤣

[JasonH]

I applied for a job in an ice cream parlour.. They turned me down when I said I can’t do Sundays


My doctor told me that I’m suffering from paranoia. Well, he didn’t actually say that, but I could tell that’s what he was thinking.


I had a pelican curry for lunch, it tasted nice, but the bill was enormous.


There was a woman selling batteries down the park. She sells C cells by the seesaw...

[Sir Tigger KC]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed...

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...