Just a quick update.
Got home on Friday, the wife and i had been talking about how to handle the situation and what message we wanted to get across to him Vs what his side of the situation was.
After a fairly consructive discussion with him doing a lot of the talking he has agreed that he needs to knuckle down and sort his life out, he has applied to the army

and is waiting his date for his first assessment, when i asked him why he was doing this he came back with the fact that he feels it will give him direction, discipline and opportunities that civvy life isn't giving him currently.
My wife was really good, she refused to let him stay in the house overnight during the week, he was welcome in during the day for a chat, change of clothes etc. Strangely enough by being this harsh on him he opened up a bit and talked like a 'adult' to her about what he wanted to do and shared his concerns. Banning him from the house did seem harsh, but we knew where he was on a nighttime and what he didn't realise was if there was any risk of him not having somewhere safe to sleep my wife would have told him to come home.
up until now he has only seen a snapshot of his friends lifestyle, and that's the bit where they have no commitment to work, by being with them for more than a few hours he started to realise that without money he can do very little, and his anticipated late nights out down the pub and long lie ins the following morning were in fact a non starter.
So we have peace and happiness in the house again, he apologised for his attitude and behaviour, i hope that this is the start of a better relationship with him
cheers for the tips and support guys, one or two of you offered soome great ideas

and they were things that i hadn't considered.