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[Steve B]

Yes, this whole question of whether it's necessary to have friends to feel fulfilled in this life fascinates me.

Being quite misanthropic and, given the nature of my employment over the years, I haven’t had the 'luxury' of having friends - close colleagues yes, but friends no.

My one true friend is my wife as she has been with me through some very dangerous times and has given me both strength and encouragement by the bucket full when things became very difficult during those years. By choice, we had no children.

I’m quite capable in communicating with others, quite personable in social circumstances, quite capable in doing things for myself (and others when the need arises) so I don’t really find myself to be disadvantaged by the lack of having ‘friends’ – but then I’m the first to admit that, although well adjusted and quite ordinary in temperament, I’m an odd big bastid.

I suppose to get to the kernel of such questions we would have to define just what a friend is and how a having a ‘close friend’ differs to that.

It’s a strange post all the same - if you don’t mind my saying, as I would imagine that should one have to advertise for friends those who may answer may well turn out to be anything but.

I would suggest that the acquisition of friends would be the natural result of inter-relating with others in an open and honest fashion – without precondition or expectation.

excellently worded

[tigers_gonads]

I was brought up in a block of flats on a council estate (Heath Town) by a single Mother so I guess I am almost one of the 'dead end people' the o.p. refers too!

My Partner (also a member of the perceived under classes) and I are both 36 years of age and have been together since we were 19, we have one ten year old child who I fully expect and sincerely hope will enjoy the benefit of two Parents as she progresses through childhood.

It seems to me that the o.p. should move to a better area, he may then be able to find some friends who are more compatible with his values, morals and aspirations.

It seems to me that they need to get a life the sad tinkers 

In fact they can come and live down our street.  (all council houses / 80% own there own home)
I'm sure we could have lots of fun with them 

helpful, constructive and very mature - Thanks for your input 

My pleasure sweetie   

The pleasure is all mine darling. 

Are you a family man?

 

Yup 

Been with the missus for nearly 21 years (now what do you get for murder  )
I've a 23 year old that i've brought up as my own lad because his sperm donor breaked off when swmbo was 6 months pregnant (w*nker)
We have a 16 year old lad together 

I come from a working class family who started and the bottom and have worked for everything they have got. (no silver spoons in mouth / up arse in my family)   

Swmbo comes from the similar and has lived in a council house nearly all her life 

[F1 9LFG]

I was brought up in a block of flats on a council estate (Heath Town) by a single Mother so I guess I am almost one of the 'dead end people' the o.p. refers too!

My Partner (also a member of the perceived under classes) and I are both 36 years of age and have been together since we were 19, we have one ten year old child who I fully expect and sincerely hope will enjoy the benefit of two Parents as she progresses through childhood.

It seems to me that the o.p. should move to a better area, he may then be able to find some friends who are more compatible with his values, morals and aspirations.

It seems to me that they need to get a life the sad tinkers 

In fact they can come and live down our street.  (all council houses / 80% own there own home)
I'm sure we could have lots of fun with them 

helpful, constructive and very mature - Thanks for your input 

My pleasure sweetie   

The pleasure is all mine darling. 

Are you a family man?

 

Yup 

Been with the missus for nearly 21 years (now what do you get for murder  )
I've a 23 year old that i've brought up as my own lad because his sperm donor breaked off when swmbo was 6 months pregnant (w*nker)
We have a 16 year old lad together 

I come from a working class family who started and the bottom and have worked for everything they have got. (no silver spoons in mouth / up arse in my family)   

Swmbo comes from the similar and has lived in a council house nearly all her life 

Well done - I'm very pleased for you all. And well done for taking on your Wifes lad 

From what you say I would have thought that you'd understand more than most.

You've worked for what you have now, obviously want the best for your children (given that you've raised someone elses lad which I can only imagine is harder than raising your own!)

You must understand why I get annoyed that I am surrounded by people who opt for the 'free' lifestyle - who can't be bothered to work for what they own/where they live and have no intentions on bettering their live/live of their kids?

define 'life sentance'  Me and my lady have made it 8years, how long's left on a life sentance! 

[pirate]

em tricky not to offend some one or other well no one ever died from words,but my thoughts are that this great country is now a melting pot of criminals from all over the world and spongers on the state i feel like a secound rate citizen in my own country and im pissed of with it,i dont care if you black white pink or marsion if your a tit your a tit.
im ex navy subs joint service marine sbs and later raf reg and untill this government gets a spine its not getting eny better, as for freinds i can count the good ones on one hand most just use you for what you can do for them .
totaly agree with your thoughts ,no respect no disapline no asperations to do better and most have no thoughts on enything or be able to string a sentance together,sorry again my rant over no offence to whom ever may take it.

RIP all my fallen comrades ,falklands,gulf.
im lucky i live in an area where most what to do well,and the schools are very good.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

I was brought up in a block of flats on a council estate (Heath Town) by a single Mother so I guess I am almost one of the 'dead end people' the o.p. refers too!

My Partner (also a member of the perceived under classes) and I are both 36 years of age and have been together since we were 19, we have one ten year old child who I fully expect and sincerely hope will enjoy the benefit of two Parents as she progresses through childhood.

It seems to me that the o.p. should move to a better area, he may then be able to find some friends who are more compatible with his values, morals and aspirations.

It seems to me that they need to get a life the sad tinkers 

In fact they can come and live down our street.  (all council houses / 80% own there own home)
I'm sure we could have lots of fun with them 

helpful, constructive and very mature - Thanks for your input 

My pleasure sweetie   

The pleasure is all mine darling. 

Are you a family man?

 

Yup 

Been with the missus for nearly 21 years (now what do you get for murder  )
I've a 23 year old that i've brought up as my own lad because his sperm donor breaked off when swmbo was 6 months pregnant (w*nker)
We have a 16 year old lad together 

I come from a working class family who started and the bottom and have worked for everything they have got. (no silver spoons in mouth / up arse in my family)   

Swmbo comes from the similar and has lived in a council house nearly all her life 

Well done - I'm very pleased for you all. And well done for taking on your Wifes lad 

From what you say I would have thought that you'd understand more than most.

You've worked for what you have now, obviously want the best for your children (given that you've raised someone elses lad which I can only imagine is harder than raising your own!)

You must understand why I get annoyed that I am surrounded by people who opt for the 'free' lifestyle - who can't be bothered to work for what they own/where they live and have no intentions on bettering their live/live of their kids?

define 'life sentance'  Me and my lady have made it 8years, how long's left on a life sentance! 

Is this a thread about the lack of like-minded friends in Essex..........or the current state of the welfare system?

[F1 9LFG]

I was brought up in a block of flats on a council estate (Heath Town) by a single Mother so I guess I am almost one of the 'dead end people' the o.p. refers too!

My Partner (also a member of the perceived under classes) and I are both 36 years of age and have been together since we were 19, we have one ten year old child who I fully expect and sincerely hope will enjoy the benefit of two Parents as she progresses through childhood.

It seems to me that the o.p. should move to a better area, he may then be able to find some friends who are more compatible with his values, morals and aspirations.

It seems to me that they need to get a life the sad tinkers 

In fact they can come and live down our street.  (all council houses / 80% own there own home)
I'm sure we could have lots of fun with them 

helpful, constructive and very mature - Thanks for your input 

My pleasure sweetie   

The pleasure is all mine darling. 

Are you a family man?

 

Yup 

Been with the missus for nearly 21 years (now what do you get for murder  )
I've a 23 year old that i've brought up as my own lad because his sperm donor breaked off when swmbo was 6 months pregnant (w*nker)
We have a 16 year old lad together 

I come from a working class family who started and the bottom and have worked for everything they have got. (no silver spoons in mouth / up arse in my family)   

Swmbo comes from the similar and has lived in a council house nearly all her life 

Well done - I'm very pleased for you all. And well done for taking on your Wifes lad 

From what you say I would have thought that you'd understand more than most.

You've worked for what you have now, obviously want the best for your children (given that you've raised someone elses lad which I can only imagine is harder than raising your own!)

You must understand why I get annoyed that I am surrounded by people who opt for the 'free' lifestyle - who can't be bothered to work for what they own/where they live and have no intentions on bettering their live/live of their kids?

define 'life sentance'  Me and my lady have made it 8years, how long's left on a life sentance! 

Is this a thread about the lack of like-minded friends in Essex..........or the current state of the welfare system?

Just that I'm concerned that I am offending others but explaining my feelings. You're right the post has drifted slightly but it's a factor that I feel is contributating to my struggle to find 'like minded' friends. Does that make sense?

[pscocoa]

Not sure it is a friends issue - it is whether your family is growing up in an environment that you are not comfortable with and you feel the need to do something about it. As said it does not sound as though friends will solve the problem. It seems that those you mix with on a day to day basis do not set a good example to their kids and therefore there is a possible knock on effect.

This needs your careful attention away from this forum to discuss with persons in your area who may offer sound advice. I gave some pointers earlier. I can understand why you posted originally but it is a bit too complicated for people to respond to on a forum like this. There will be others in your local authority and local groups who can better contribute than we can I think.

[F1 9LFG]

Not sure it is a friends issue - it is whether your family is growing up in an environment that you are not comfortable with and you feel the need to do something about it. As said it does not sound as though friends will solve the problem. It seems that those you mix with on a day to day basis do not set a good example to their kids and therefore there is a possible knock on effect.

This needs your careful attention away from this forum to discuss with persons in your area who may offer sound advice. I gave some pointers earlier. I can understand why you posted originally but it is a bit too complicated for people to respond to on a forum like this. There will be others in your local authority and local groups who can better contribute than we can I think.

I think your right. Thank you 

[F1 9LFG]

em tricky not to offend some one or other well no one ever died from words,but my thoughts are that this great country is now a melting pot of criminals from all over the world and spongers on the state i feel like a secound rate citizen in my own country and im pissed of with it,i dont care if you black white pink or marsion if your a tit your a tit.
im ex navy subs joint service marine sbs and later raf reg and untill this government gets a spine its not getting eny better, as for freinds i can count the good ones on one hand most just use you for what you can do for them .
totaly agree with your thoughts ,no respect no disapline no asperations to do better and most have no thoughts on enything or be able to string a sentance together,sorry again my rant over no offence to whom ever may take it.

RIP all my fallen comrades ,falklands,gulf.
im lucky i live in an area where most what to do well,and the schools are very good.

Agree mate - Thanks.

And RIP indeed to the fallen.

[F1 9LFG]

just some other details that may assist people understand where I'm coming from...

I'm 27 years old, SWMBO is 26. We've been together 8 years. We understand the inplications of having children and the long term commitments that they demand, with that in mind we proceeded to have 2 children, one is now 6 and the other 4. (both girls - for my sins!)

I tried hard at school, went on to college while working a part time job to fund it and entered work at about 19. I've worked hard and progressed very nicely for my age. I have consistantly been the youngest member of every dept I've worked in - I now manage the facilities of 17 buildings in and around London.

Yes it's hard out there but I've always managed to work and find a job. I have spent a while out of work on benefits in the past but thats what I pay tax for when I am at work, to provide the safety net when I get made redundent, I have always taken the first job I could secure.

Yes we are a young family but we stick together, work hard and do all we can for our children to push them in the right direction and show them right from wrong. We just haven't found any family locally to us who are doing the same!

[Brikhead]

You missed the point completely.

It's hard to word this type of discussion without someone reading it and taking offence but it's not my intent.

Please don't take offence, it's not meant like that. Please try and re-read the post with a more open mind to my particular situation.

The point seemed to be that you don't like mixing with the people around you.

I haven't taken any personal offence at your posts, although I do object to being called narrow minded, I'm just putting across my slant on life!
Not all people who find themselves living on housing estates are scum, just a very small percentage!

[Dishevelled Den]

em tricky not to offend some one or other well no one ever died from words,but my thoughts are that this great country is now a melting pot of criminals from all over the world and spongers on the state i feel like a secound rate citizen in my own country and im pissed of with it,i dont care if you black white pink or marsion if your a tit your a tit.
im ex navy subs joint service marine sbs and later raf reg and untill this government gets a spine its not getting eny better, as for freinds i can count the good ones on one hand most just use you for what you can do for them .
totaly agree with your thoughts ,no respect no disapline no asperations to do better and most have no thoughts on enything or be able to string a sentance together,sorry again my rant over no offence to whom ever may take it.

RIP all my fallen comrades ,falklands,gulf.
im lucky i live in an area where most what to do well,and the schools are very good.

if your a tit your a tit

Do you know Pirate, in those few words I believe you may have got right to the kernel of many issues and, furthermore, I think that's why many people continue to do stupid things and make poor choices.

[tigers_gonads]

Rob

My advise is .............. get your arse down to the local pub and have a few beers with the people you live around.
Keep yourself to yourself and (the main thing) RELAX 
You will find that after a few evenings, the people who live around you will strike up a conversation.
Just join in 

Ffs, don't judge anybody because everybody's life is different.
Being my own boss for nearly 20 years, I have met a hell of alot of people.
Believe this or not, some of the most genuine, "what you see is what you get" people I have ever met live in a council house / flat.
And some of the biggest w*nkers I have ever met live in a nice house with 2 nice cars and on the face of it, they look like the perfect family ............ BUT they are totaly false and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could thow them 
Some have had sh*t lifes for various reasons.
Some have made mistakes for various reasons.

As the saying goes .............. you can't judge a book by its cover.

Friends are just that ............ friends.
You can't manufacture them, it just happens 


Just a quickie on the "people who can't be arsed to work" bit.
5 years ago, i'd have agreed with all that.
Nowdays, there are very little jobs and for certain folks of a certain age / qualifications, you have no chance of employment.
Being sat on your arse is the most depressing thing that can happen and until it happens to you, you can't understand what it does to your self esteem and your head. So it might be a idea to cut the rest of the world a little slack and not judge them 

[F1 9LFG]

You missed the point completely.

It's hard to word this type of discussion without someone reading it and taking offence but it's not my intent.

Please don't take offence, it's not meant like that. Please try and re-read the post with a more open mind to my particular situation.

The point seemed to be that you don't like mixing with the people around you.

I haven't taken any personal offence at your posts, although I do object to being called narrow minded, I'm just putting across my slant on life!
Not all people who find themselves living on housing estates are scum, just a very small percentage!

But thats the point - where am I implying that? 

In that sense I'm aiming at people who 'choose' to live in a council house and rely on the state to fund it + everything else.

Glad you haven't taken offence. 

[F1 9LFG]

Rob

My advise is .............. get your arse down to the local pub and have a few beers with the people you live around.
Keep yourself to yourself and (the main thing) RELAX 
You will find that after a few evenings, the people who live around you will strike up a conversation.
Just join in 

Ffs, don't judge anybody because everybody's life is different.
Being my own boss for nearly 20 years, I have met a hell of alot of people.
Believe this or not, some of the most genuine, "what you see is what you get" people I have ever met live in a council house / flat.
And some of the biggest w*nkers I have ever met live in a nice house with 2 nice cars and on the face of it, they look like the perfect family ............ BUT they are totaly false and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could thow them 
Some have had sh*t lifes for various reasons.
Some have made mistakes for various reasons.

As the saying goes .............. you can't judge a book by its cover.

Friends are just that ............ friends.
You can't manufacture them, it just happens 


Just a quickie on the "people who can't be arsed to work" bit.
5 years ago, i'd have agreed with all that.
Nowdays, there are very little jobs and for certain folks of a certain age / qualifications, you have no chance of employment.
Being sat on your arse is the most depressing thing that can happen and until it happens to you, you can't understand what it does to your self esteem and your head. So it might be a idea to cut the rest of the world a little slack and not judge them 

Yer I often do that, and with the friends I do have, just find it so so hard to find families to be freinds with who share the same stresses of work & kids etc.

Oh and I know how hard work is to find at the moment, esp those slightly older and as you say with little qualifications but round here all I see is 20-30 year olds who can't be arsed and don't try. I was out of work last year for 6months but I never gave up and secured a great job. There are jobs if you're willing to work. (I know there are exceptions to some people-totally understand) I'm sick of hearing ''why should I work, I can live on benefits'' etc