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[tigers_gonads]

What he like with his own kids ?

[tigers_gonads]

How is you're relationship with the Carer ?   Can you discuss the matter without it getting back to anyone else ?

Very good idea 

[paul.lovejoy]

firstly Peter Pan sorry to hear you were not able to make things work with this lady

that said in my honest opinion and more so in this day and age the boyfriend should not be sharing a bath with the child under any curcumstances fair enough if he was the natuaral father but he is not and should be acting more responsible. it is somethiong i would not even dream of doing if i was in the same position

your position is a difficult one but the inocence of a child must be of the upmost importance, tiger lilly may be a little blinded and not see what someone else will see but you know tiger lilly

2 opinions here me and wifey

mine was you have to talk to tiger lilly about  this and is she comfortable with it after all you are not by the sounds of it and i dont blame you one bit or have a little chat with the bloke and ask him what the hell he is doing

wifey..... ditto and if it was her daughter the bloke would be out the door with a frying pan round his head

either way mate you must say something to the boy friend or tiger lilly adults should know better and also understand the concerns, children especially that young are far to innocent to know

best of luck with it

[plym ian]

i would say something definatly if you valued your friendship that much im sure she would understand,

 even when my own girl was 3 wouldnt even think about getting in the bath with her.

has the girls behavour changed in any way that youve noticed? sorry to ask

[Dishevelled Den]

I think you already know what course of action you’ll take PP.

I would assume that the ‘with benefits’ part of your friendship with TL will has ceased, given her new arrangements – should it not have done so you most certainly are unnecessarily complicating the matter and will never, in my view, be able to deal with your relationship in any constructive way.

The question of the man being in the bath with a three year old child (not his daughter) and in the absence of the mother is one that simply cannot be ignored - irrespective of how it may damage your relationship with TL.

Children – especially young children – need responsible adults to advocate for them, so that is in my opinion what you must do.

[peter.pan]

How is you're relationship with the Carer ?   Can you discuss the matter without it getting back to anyone else ?

Very good idea 

She has a range of carers, but there is on e who I get on with particularly well.
An extra opinion would be good.
I'm not sure how tiger lily would react to my discussing the situation with some else, other than anonymously.

[peter.pan]

I think you already know what course of action you’ll take PP.

I would assume that the ‘with benefits’ part of your friendship with TL will has ceased, given her new arrangements – should it not have done so you most certainly are unnecessarily complicating the matter and will never, in my view, be able to deal with your relationship in any constructive way.

I do know what I need to do - I want to be sure I'm doing for the right reasons tho.
The "benefits" bit has ceased - I just wanted a second opinion that that wasn't clouding my judgement.

[tigers_gonads]

How is you're relationship with the Carer ?   Can you discuss the matter without it getting back to anyone else ?

Very good idea 

She has a range of carers, but there is on e who I get on with particularly well.
An extra opinion would be good.
I'm not sure how tiger lily would react to my discussing the situation with some else, other than anonymously.

Not saying the bloke in the bath is right.
Its one thing I can't see me ever doing.

As for the carer, have a word on the QT and see if she has noticed anything.

[horsecow]

I don't think any man should be in a bath with a 3 yr old child, especially when the child isn't his. There's absolutely no need to get into the bath to wash the child. I have 1 daughter myself who's nearly 6 and have bathed her many many times but never felt the need to get in with her and can only imagine it making it harder to bath the child!! If I even thought there was another man ''helping'' to bath my child I'd be concerned, you just cant be too careful these days.
This is just my opinion but it seems to be the general consensus, I know this is an awful position for you but I really hope it was innocent for the childs sake. At worst you will lose this ''friendship'' you have but maybe the lady involved will appreciate your concern. Is there any way you could ask about bath rituals for the kids etc without revealing too much??? If it was me I would be asking questions and probably telling what I'd seen, maybe try telling it offhandish or something to judge a reaction, maybe tell the story about another friend to judge her reaction???

[Kevin Wood]

Hmm.  Hot water is not in short supply these days.

I have no children of my own, and don't often come into close contact with them, TBH, so am not in a position to put myself in anybody's shoes. Having said that, how well can you know someone after 6 months?

Can this guy really have developed such a loving fatherly relationship with this girl in 6 months that it's something he would do innocently, without thinking of how it might be construed? If not, (and I suspect not) something's up.

Is it worth talking to the carer, if she was around at the time? Don't know, but I would say something to someone. Any consequences are worth bearing if you have a chance to stop something awful happening, surely?

[STMO123]

I wouldn't be talking to TL or the carer, I'd be letting him know that his behaviour is well out of order but, as you're biased, you'll be asking other people what they think. Whatever happens here, your relationship with TL can never be the same, just accept that.

[cam2502]

As others have said its just plain wrong that a grown man is in the bath with this kid. And I'm amazed that T L allows it at all let alone after 6 months. You have known her for 20 years, so doubtless you know each other inside out, regardless of your bias now because of the new b/f, she surely must realise you are speaking out ONLY to protect the child.
In my opinion you HAVE to act, you couldn't live with yourself if your concerns become reality and you did nothing.

[horsecow]

As others have said its just plain wrong that a grown man is in the bath with this kid. And I'm amazed that T L allows it at all let alone after 6 months. You have known her for 20 years, so doubtless you know each other inside out, regardless of your bias now because of the new b/f, she surely must realise you are speaking out ONLY to protect the child.
In my opinion you HAVE to act, you couldn't live with yourself if your concerns become reality and you did nothing.

totally agree cam but unless I've missed something do we know that t l agrees with this or even is aware of it?

[Nickbat]

I don't think any man should be in a bath with a 3 yr old child, especially when the child isn't his. There's absolutely no need to get into the bath to wash the child. I have 1 daughter myself who's nearly 6 and have bathed her many many times but never felt the need to get in with her and can only imagine it making it harder to bath the child!! If I even thought there was another man ''helping'' to bath my child I'd be concerned, you just cant be too careful these days.
This is just my opinion but it seems to be the general consensus, I know this is an awful position for you but I really hope it was innocent for the childs sake. At worst you will lose this ''friendship'' you have but maybe the lady involved will appreciate your concern. Is there any way you could ask about bath rituals for the kids etc without revealing too much??? If it was me I would be asking questions and probably telling what I'd seen, maybe try telling it offhandish or something to judge a reaction, maybe tell the story about another friend to judge her reaction???

I happily had baths with my daughter (and son!) until she/he reached 3 or 4 years of age. It's a wonderful way to bond with a child. However, I am talking about my own children.

In your situation, I would be most uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I think this needs to be approached with tact. Is the new b/f expected to get the children undressed for bed? If yes, then he is already being given the green light for the level of intimate contact which is associated with such action.

There are clearly only two possible explanations:

1. That the new b/f is acting in sexually-innocent manner, but trying to bond with the children, in which case any external investigation may well end up in legal action, ruining both his life and your friendship with the mum.

2. He is acting in a sexually predatory manner, in which case he should be barred from any contact with the children.

In other words, he's either a pervert or he is not.

No one on here can possibly answer that, given the available facts. My own view is that it is incumbent on you to establish, with some urgency, the facts of the relationship between the b/f and the children. Jumping to conclusions invariably makes matters worse.     

[D]

Its difficult for PP to establish any guilt. Speaking to the bloke will only cause angst and most certainly be counter productive. The only thing I suppose you can do is to innocently mention what you have witnessed to TL and wait to see how she takes that bit of info on board. If she seems ok with it then, perhaps he has been given the green light to be that involved in the children's care.

If she reacts to it, then at least you have let her know the facts; the rest is up to her to sort out and perhaps for you to stay out of? After all they are her kids, not yours.

That said, what you have mentioned sounds quite repulsive to me.