On 7th August 1998 2 truck bombs exploded simultaneously outside the US embassies in Nairobi, Kenya and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Hundreds of innocent civilians were killed and thousands were injured, in very poor countries with no free healthcare or welfare system. The Nairobi bomb was particularly horrific as the US Embassy at the time was situated in the city centre. An adjacent office block housing a collage collapsed and the vast majority of the dead from there were young people, just starting out on the journey of life....
Tanzania is a muslim country. 
The 7th August 1998 was the eighth anniversary of US troops being stationed in Saudi Arabia. They were stationed there with the agreement and by invitation from the legitimate government of Saudi Arabia. Al Qaeda claimed responsibility and this was when the world became aware of Osama bin Laden.
By contrast the western armies operate under strict rules of engagement. I believe that at the moment the British Army in Afghanistan can only fire when fired upon, which some might say is too stringent.
I believe that your assertions Lizzie that the Western armies are bombing, strafing, maiming and killing civilians not only wrong but offensive!
War is what it is however and the civilian population always suffer as a result, this has always been so and always will be so.
What we have though is one side who try to avoid civilian casualties but yes make mistakes from time to time, and another side who hit targets indiscriminately regardless of who might get killed or injured!
Anyone who thinks that we can negotiate with such people must have graduated from the Neville Chamberlain School of Politics and International Affairs 
PS
I find it interesting that you bring up Vietnam Lizzie. I lived and worked in Saigon for a while and the only animosity I came across from the Vietnamese towards the Americans, were from those angry that the US left South Vietnam to it's fate. The majority of South Vietnamese saw the Americans as their defenders and protectors and hated the Northern Communists with a passion! To this day, there is a North/South divide and much bitterness and mistrust. The people of South Vietnam were treated appallingly by the Northern Communists and even now most high ranking public positions in the South, such as police chiefs, mayors etc are held by Northerners.
A classic mistake many people make is thinking because they are reasonable, then everybody else will be to. History is littered with such people and their failures, where they have made this dangerous and in many cases futile / fatal assumption that had lead to the enslavement of the people by such ruthless masters. A few examples of people, governments and organisations that could / cannot be negotiated with are: Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussain, Pol Pot, North Korea, Iran, Al Qaeda and the Taliban. The same also applies to the Angry Brigade, Red Brigade and violent animal rights and environmentalists.
When evil people have evil aims and are determined to impose their will and enslave or destroy other people and their societies, then their violence has to be met with equal or greater violence or you lose. There is no other answer or way. I heard all of the answers before about how things should be sorted out by the League of Nations or the UN. Well how effective were the UN in Bosnia or Syria? They are toothless donkeys tigers.
Those leaders / countries could and
were negotiated with. In the case of Hitler the big mistake by Chamberlain was he was too much a gentleman, and did not push the negotiations strongly enough. Hitler was a chancer, and if enough tough resistance had been offered from the start, in Munich 1938, then history could have been very different.
Joseph Stalin did negotiate well with especially the Americans, after of course he was fooled by Hitler into a Pact in 1939.
Saddam Hussein should have been left to his own devices, as there was no need for Western involvement in Iraq, so negotiations over so called weapons of mass destruction were never necessary, and led Bush and Blair into a war that many in Britain, then and now, did not want.
Iran is being held back, although not very easily, by negotiation with many sides involved under the banner of the UN. Iran knows one slip and the USA, let alone Russia and Israel, could well go on the attack.
North Korea is, admittedly another story, but again world pressure, including from their old sponsors the Chinese, is holding back on their reigns. Russia as well is having an effect behind the scenes, so again negotiations by UN countries are achieving that retarding on what N.Korea really wants, but will not get.
The other names you state are of course not countries, as the IRA were not. Negotiations may be too late for some, but there is an intention in certainly Afghanistan that working for a peaceful solution is possible. As I have said before though massive traditional military ground forces are no good in fighting these gorilla groups. As the British Army found in N.Ireland, what counted was intelligence and actions by specialised security forces. Then came the need for peace that the people wanted, and political negotiation did the rest, with the old enemies being given political power via the ballot box. That is how you act in Afghanistan to achieve long lasting peace, and a young democracy.