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[FRE07962128]

With the quick hello and goodbye of a new member, Jelly, perhaps we should all reflect on how this transpired.

Jelly introduced herself as usual, then placed a of "love your pussy", which anyone must realise has a double meaning that could offend.

It was meant I know, as a mature, life experienced, woman who can give as much as she takes on this site, that it was a harmless joke.  But the important thing is Jelly did not think so.  She was new to the site, and like me when I joined, did not really know the content of it, just assumming it was all about Omega's.  I had not seen the General Chat section and did not understand, although perhaps I should have done, the high male orientation of it.

For a new (unknown; what age, what experience of life?) women for a man to say "love your pussy" came across as being very forward, with a sexual overtone which she found offensive and said so.  Instead of all members saying "hold on", sorry for that it was a joke, but very sorry and letting it drop, a further discussion took place on her decision to a) join the site and b) be offended by such comment!

She must have felt (as I would have done) completely intimadated, humilated, and resigned to the belief that joining this site had been a big mistake!  Well done all those who contributed to this!

Although we do involve ourselves in often very daring banter it is not for everyone, especially when they have just joined the site and know no one on it or the flavour of it.  Men and women are different and that is why there are certain laws that protect women from unwarranted sexual harrasment by strangers, which is effectively what happened here!

Please, please let us ALL learn from this and find out about a newbie and their character, especially when it is a women, before such 'banter' is entered into, and if that person does complain let's not further distress and anger the individual by questioning their motives.  

Quite simply, do we want new members or not? :-/ :-/ :-/  If you do not this is a great way to lose them!

[JamesV6CDX]

Don't get me wrong here, because I agree with much of the above.

However I still stand by Entwoods comments that your first post on a message board should not be to "warn" another, longer standing, member.

Regardless of whether or not "jelly" took issue with Jimbob's comment, it would have been much more appropriate to drop him a quick PM and chat it through, rather than create a hoo-haa on a message board full of people you don't know...

Plenty of reassurance was given to her both on the thread, and in PM, that everything was meant light heartedly and with good intent.

If she chooses to leave and throw her toys out of the pram, rather than take that on the chin, there's not a lot we can do

[FRE07962128]

After reading my comment / observations on the facts behind the case involving new (ex-member) Jelly and the comment "love your pussy", please decide if you can see it it was right for her to find this offensive
or not.  Lizzie

[Vamps]

After reading my comment / observations on the facts behind the case involving new (ex-member) Jelly and the comment "love your pussy", please decide if you can see it it was right for her to find this offensive
or not.  Lizzie

It's not a yes and no answer, perhaps the newbies section was not the best place. There is a poll ging on another thread, this and my other comments are on that.

[FRE07962128]

Don't get me wrong here, because I agree with much of the above.

However I still stand by Entwoods comments that your first post on a message board should not be to "warn" another, longer standing, member.

Regardless of whether or not "jelly" took issue with Jimbob's comment, it would have been much more appropriate to drop him a quick PM and chat it through, rather than create a hoo-haa on a message board full of people you don't know...

Plenty of reassurance was given to her both on the thread, and in PM, that everything was meant light heartedly and with good intent.

If she chooses to leave and throw her toys out of the pram, rather than take that on the chin, there's not a lot we can do

But James she was NEW to this site and before knowing anything about PM's or what to do in such a situation was bombarded by negative comment after obviously being offended. :-? :-?

Why is it so wrong to complain when this happens as she did?  Can we not take public critism on this site when the original comment has been very public?  After all who PM her to explain the situation?
 :-/ :-/

[Entwood]

With respect Lizzie .. I don't think that was the problem at all ....

She obviously knows her way around a forum, by the way she posted an avatar with her first post - that avatar being a prowling cat - just how many "newbies" would be able to do that ??

The problem then came with HER posting which.. in essence.. tried to tell folks what they can and can't post ... like everyone else here .. I thought .. "just who does this kid think she is?" ...

I responded with a PM that she chose to ignore, others responded with even stronger banter ... she waved the red flag, the bulls charged.

Her avatar was a cat .. someone said "nice pussy" .(ok innuendo I know) ... but it could easily be argued that it was HER mind that took it the wrong way .. it MIGHT ( ) have been an innocent remark about her pretty picture.

I was always taught to "lurk" and learn how a forum runs before leaping in .....in her case leaping in with a "warning to jimbob" was never going to work ...

Many other newbies have joined and had no problems ... just 'cos this one was an ultrasensitive (or bossy ??) female should make no difference to the nature of the forum.....

As someone once said ... "if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen" ..

Just my views .. thats all  

[JamesV6CDX]

After reading my comment / observations on the facts behind the case involving new (ex-member) Jelly and the comment "love your pussy", please decide if you can see it it was right for her to find this offensive
or not.  Lizzie

If she found it offensive then that is her choice. It's not wrong to be offended - it's down to individual discretion.

But I still maintain she could have achieved a much better outcome by dealing with it far more effectively and discreetly in PM, rather than come along as a newbie and bash a long standing member on the public boards.

While as a commnity we may well need to learn something - I think Jelly does to - mainly in the form of resillience and tact.

[Jimbob]

I've voted No here, although she obviously did take offence.

She must have been very niave to think an avatar of a cat would be ignored on a predominatley male site.

I did apologise for any offence caused, but maintain she was overly 'touchy' at a bit of very gentle banter.

[FRE07962128]

After reading my comment / observations on the facts behind the case involving new (ex-member) Jelly and the comment "love your pussy", please decide if you can see it it was right for her to find this offensive
or not.  Lizzie

It's not a yes and no answer, perhaps the newbies section was not the best place. There is a poll ging on another thread, this and my other comments are on that.

But this poll is on a different view point to mine.  That one does not take into account her feelings when mine does and is asking the question on that basis only.

[JamesV6CDX]

Lizzie, nobody can "vote" as to whether or not she was right to be offended. it's entirely her discretion... nobody is "wrong" to be offended..

[FRE07962128]

With respect Lizzie .. I don't think that was the problem at all ....

She obviously knows her way around a forum, by the way she posted an avatar with her first post - that avatar being a prowling cat - just how many "newbies" would be able to do that ??

The problem then came with HER posting which.. in essence.. tried to tell folks what they can and can't post ... like everyone else here .. I thought .. "just who does this kid think she is?" ...

I responded with a PM that she chose to ignore, others responded with even stronger banter ... she waved the red flag, the bulls charged.

Her avatar was a cat .. someone said "nice pussy" .(ok innuendo I know) ... but it could easily be argued that it was HER mind that took it the wrong way .. it MIGHT ( ) have been an innocent remark about her pretty picture.

I was always taught to "lurk" and learn how a forum runs before leaping in .....in her case leaping in with a "warning to jimbob" was never going to work ...

Many other newbies have joined and had no problems ... just 'cos this one was an ultrasensitive (or bossy ??) female should make no difference to the nature of the forum.....

As someone once said ... "if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen" ..

Just my views .. thats all  

I understand all that Entwood, but although she is probably a wiz kid at computer graphics (and now we shall never know for sure) she could well have been young and immature.  No one is perfect, but she stood no chance against the general attack.  All she wanted to do was join our site, but typically if a woman does something that gives an excuss to others for an attack on her (like post an innocent picture of a cat), she "deserves it".  You may not mean that, but that is what all the comment I have seen so far implies.

[Vamps]

Well she says she was offended, so presumably she was, and as James says, she has that right.

I think it would be best if there were no further discussion on this, Jelly is probably watching as a guest having a good giggle at all the comments she has stirred up, she must have know what she was getting into having observed.
There are some members of this forum would never be on if they took offence but seem to insist on coming back for more.    

[FRE07962128]

Lizzie, nobody can "vote" as to whether or not she was right to be offended. it's entirely her discretion... nobody is "wrong" to be offended..

I have now cancelled the Poll as this male orientated site obviously has been so offended by a woman being offended!

[JamesV6CDX]

she could well have been young and immature.  

I doubt that.
She was 48 years old and drove a V6 Vauxhall Omega!

[JamesV6CDX]

Lizzie, nobody can "vote" as to whether or not she was right to be offended. it's entirely her discretion... nobody is "wrong" to be offended..

I have now cancelled the Poll as this male orientated site obviously has been so offended by a woman being offended!

Lizzie - Lizzie! All I said is that it WASN'T wrong for her to be offended - what's so bad about that?