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[zippo]

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches maxine, Who's sitting all by herself....

Man: ' excuse me miss, may i buy you a cocktail?

Maxine: No, thankyou alcohol is bad for my legs,

man: I'm sorry to hear that, do they swell?
 
Maxine: No, they speard.

 

wife's in stitches maria,your going to have me blushing  

[maria]

Q what's long, hard and full of seamen?
















A   A submarine
 

[Big Fra]

Q what's long, hard and full of seamen?

Groan :-/
















A   A submarine
 

[amigov6]

A young girl joins a convent & is told by sister Mary she has to take a vow of silence. After 5 yrs she is called before sister Mary.
   Sister Mary says "you have spent 5 yrs here my child,you may utter 2 words, choose them wisely". The young nun thinks for a minute & says "hard bed" Sister Mary promises to find a softer mattress.
     After 10 yrs the young nun is given another 2 words. After a little thought she says "cold food" Sister Mary promises to get her meals to the table a little quicker. After 15 yrs. she can speak again. "I'd like to leave" she blurts out. Sister Mary replies
   "Well break off then. You've done nothing but moan since you got here"!

[philayl]

Two mates having a drink in a bar, the first one says to his mate "It's my fortieth wedding anniversary tomorrow." His mate asks "Can you remember the first time you and the wife made love?" He replied "The first time! I can't remember the last time."