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[Marie]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good.


As for cutting the plugs off my mother used to do that to ............until she realised i could rewire them.

Take him for a pint and have a adult chat with him......public place he would less likely to give you a gob full and you would be forced to keep carm....... it worked for my old man with my sister. anything is worth a try.

[Jay w]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good.


As for cutting the plugs off my mother used to do that to ............until she realised i could rewire them.

Take him for a pint and have a adult chat with him......public place he would less likely to give you a gob full and you would be forced to keep carm....... it worked for my old man with my sister. anything is worth a try.

Tried that a few weeks ago, approached the subject with sensitivity, trying to find out if there were any issues that we could help with

he lost it completely, ended up throwing the best part of a pint everywhere, i sat there with compose, my wife calmly walked out and i picked up the pieces with the barstaff.

He will not sit down and have a rational discussion with anyone, we have been to connexions and even they found him to be really hard work (their words not mine) he would not get involved and became very insular.
They wondered if he had a drink/solven/drug issue, to date this has not been proven, although for all his trouble i do not believe he is involved in any of that.

[Marie]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good.


As for cutting the plugs off my mother used to do that to ............until she realised i could rewire them.

Take him for a pint and have a adult chat with him......public place he would less likely to give you a gob full and you would be forced to keep carm....... it worked for my old man with my sister. anything is worth a try.

Tried that a few weeks ago, approached the subject with sensitivity, trying to find out if there were any issues that we could help with

he lost it completely, ended up throwing the best part of a pint everywhere, i sat there with compose, my wife calmly walked out and i picked up the pieces with the barstaff.

He will not sit down and have a rational discussion with anyone, we have been to connexions and even they found him to be really hard work (their words not mine) he would not get involved and became very insular.
They wondered if he had a drink/solven/drug issue, to date this has not been proven, although for all his trouble i do not believe he is involved in any of that.

Drastic measures are needed......... tie him to the chair and force him to listen..... im joking but its a good idea :-/

god i hope i dont have to go through this with my boy........ but then again if he so even back chats me hes getting a clip round the ear.

disapline is what the kids of today need
please dont think i am a bad mum i am harsh but fair and love him dearly i only want whats best for him

[zippo]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good.


As for cutting the plugs off my mother used to do that to ............until she realised i could rewire them.

Take him for a pint and have a adult chat with him......public place he would less likely to give you a gob full and you would be forced to keep carm....... it worked for my old man with my sister. anything is worth a try.

Tried that a few weeks ago, approached the subject with sensitivity, trying to find out if there were any issues that we could help with

he lost it completely, ended up throwing the best part of a pint everywhere, i sat there with compose, my wife calmly walked out and i picked up the pieces with the barstaff.

He will not sit down and have a rational discussion with anyone, we have been to connexions and even they found him to be really hard work (their words not mine) he would not get involved and became very insular.
They wondered if he had a drink/solven/drug issue, to date this has not been proven, although for all his trouble i do not believe he is involved in any of that.

that is how my nephew was in the end after a lot of talking and tears we concluded he felt abandoned by his biological farther and that some how his parents divorce was his fault .this came to light after the video game thing

[Marks DTM Calib]

And Plymouth is very convenient for a certain well known armed force....

Which is where my lad left from very recently. We'd also had a shed load of problems with him too ....... but fingers crossed ..... so far ....

As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good.


As for cutting the plugs off my mother used to do that to ............until she realised i could rewire them.

Take him for a pint and have a adult chat with him......public place he would less likely to give you a gob full and you would be forced to keep carm....... it worked for my old man with my sister. anything is worth a try.

Tried that a few weeks ago, approached the subject with sensitivity, trying to find out if there were any issues that we could help with

he lost it completely, ended up throwing the best part of a pint everywhere, i sat there with compose, my wife calmly walked out and i picked up the pieces with the barstaff.

He will not sit down and have a rational discussion with anyone, we have been to connexions and even they found him to be really hard work (their words not mine) he would not get involved and became very insular.
They wondered if he had a drink/solven/drug issue, to date this has not been proven, although for all his trouble i do not believe he is involved in any of that.

Drastic measures are needed......... tie him to the chair and force him to listen..... im joking but its a good idea :-/

god i hope i dont have to go through this with my boy........ but then again if he so even back chats me hes getting a clip round the ear.

disapline is what the kids of today need
please dont think i am a bad mum i am harsh but fair and love him dearly i only want whats best for him

Lol, half my little lads toys are out of reach at the moment.....

.....favourite saying is 'whats this' (pointing at my hand), he replies 'a big hand'. 'Whats that' (pointing at his bottom), he replies 'a small bottom'......

......'and what happens when the two meet'..........normaly a short pause before 'I get a sore bottom'.

Its very rare it actualy happens but, he gets the picture!

[Andy B]

....As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good......

All seems to be going OK so far, seems very positive when we speak on the phone. They're off to Yeovilton for  a few days this week to 'double bank' (it's been a while since i used that phase!) their staff

[Marie]

....As i said before ill point him towards the straight and narrow for you! hope hes doing ok? not heard anything about the new class over at work...... no gossip is good......

All seems to be going OK so far, seems very positive when we speak on the phone. They're off to Yeovilton for  a few days this week to 'double bank' (it's been a while since i used that phase!) their staff

ok thats and old unused one as i have never hard off it .... enlighten me plz. Yeoviton isgreat thats where the hubby has been drafted to in may and thats where i want to go in oct.

[MikeDundee]

In a word - ARMY    

Funnily enough, the armed services sprung to my mind to!

My thought aswell, but you need to know what career in the army you want these days :-/.............However, on another note your son is lucky to have two dads and family support, and as said not an easy one, let him go and then he may just realise how lucky he actually was and come to his senses (then again maybe not :-/), you just don't know, but what you can't let continue to happen is to destroy the family through his actions, therefore have no choice but to let him go .......I left home when I was 17 through my own choice, no father, and have never looked back, unfortunately kids these dasy in my view have things too easy, including my own  

[TheBoy]

Lol, half my little lads toys are out of reach at the moment.....

.....favourite saying is 'whats this' (pointing at my hand), he replies 'a big hand'. 'Whats that' (pointing at his bottom), he replies 'a small bottom'......

......'and what happens when the two meet'..........normaly a short pause before 'I get a sore bottom'.

Its very rare it actualy happens but, he gets the picture!

At his age - where he is still  exploring the limits of what he can get away with - the threat is enough as long as he knows the threat is real

What I can't get over is all this current guff about 'look in to my eyes' when telling them off, and the worse punishment is the naughty step.  I know its all the rage to reason and explain everything to kids now, but in my view, somethings real discipline is required - both at home and at school.

I was a bit of a sod at school, as I knew the worse they could do was keep me behind for an hour.  I was good as gold at home (mostly , as I knew the bake of Dad's hand bloody well hurt...

[Vamps]

Many people have given advice and every case is different.
The hardest job in the world is being a Step Dad.
I inherited 3 boys 6,8 and 13 ish at the time. The elder we had our moments but come through fine, the youngest no problems, so far now a typical 15 year old but the middle one is a different story.
Their Dad does not want to know, they have never had a night at their Dad’s house since I have known them, their Dad is some Big Wig with a national furniture chain and earns mega bucks.  Never put up the money originally agreed with swmbo etc but that is another story.
I will never forgive our middle one, I should have seen the signs when he was younger and I blame him solely for giving swmbo a Heart attack in 2004.

 Too much to go into here but swmbo came to an agreement early on that we would not let the kids get in the way of our relationship, they will move on, yippee, we have the rest of our lives and a 7 year old to think of.
You think you know what you are doing, but you don’t
Had to laugh with the eldest, he and his swmbo got their own home, the first time we visited was a darkish day and as we went round the house he turned the lights off, when he was with us he would have every light on in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Golfbuddy]

Jay,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I have smacked my daughter over the years but only ever when I'm angry, I couldn't bring myself to do it otherwise. Since we started fostering about 7 years ago we have had some very challenging teenagers and smacking is not a legal option with them. I also became a manager about the same time and have employed several errant 18 year olds and I haven't smacked one of them either, although I have sacked a few.

I have come to the conclusion over this time that there is another way, although I'm not so idealistic to believe that there is one approach to cover all eventualities.

It appears to me, from what I've read here, that your stepson is lacking in motivation, self esteem and confidence. There is a reason for this and punishing him won't resolve any of these issues. It may make you feel better and he may eventually work it out for himself but it won't solve the problem.

I think that you need to try to get to the bottom of why he feels like this and perhaps you could start by looking at the theory of Abraham Maslow.

Here's a link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

This approach is not easy and you and your wife may not be emotionally up to the challenge but it will, if successful, be hugely rewarding. Please try to bear in mine that, whilst legally an adult, this lad is displaying the behaviour of a child. I have a little understanding of this subject and if it would help then I'd be only too pleased to talk to you.

Martin  

[tunnie]

i remember that type from college and school, not a lot you can do. But i am with Max on this, chuck him out, let him fend for himself and learn he needs to earn money!

I had loads of summer jobs when i left school at 16, Tesco's, Currys, local corner shop, 2 years later i was a marketing excutive part time, £5.50 hr + commision, at the time (2002) damn fine wage for someone my age.

The drop out on my college courses was amazing! I started a GNVQ ICT course, 35 people started it, 6 completed it! (still really good mates with 1 of them)

Second course was a BTECH National Diploma in Computing, again, 70 people started, course was split into 2 classes, not enough computers for all. 9 people completed that one, from 75!!!  

I used the UCAS points from that ND to get to Uni, no A levels play off for me.


To be fair, i never knew what i wanted to do either, but i did know it would involve computers because i was good with them, i was not the brighest spark at school, only got 1 GCSE grade C, rest were D's and E's

But still graduated from Uni! on a 2:1  

So just goes to show... he needs to find something he enjoys, i never felt using a PC was 'work'

Any ideas what what he enjoys?

[cem_devecioglu]

i remember that type from college and school, not a lot you can do. But i am with Max on this, chuck him out, let him fend for himself and learn he needs to earn money!

I had loads of summer jobs when i left school at 16, Tesco's, Currys, local corner shop, 2 years later i was a marketing excutive part time, £5.50 hr + commision, at the time (2002) damn fine wage for someone my age.

The drop out on my college courses was amazing! I started a GNVQ ICT course, 35 people started it, 6 completed it! (still really good mates with 1 of them)

Second course was a BTECH National Diploma in Computing, again, 70 people started, course was split into 2 classes, not enough computers for all. 9 people completed that one, from 75!!!  

I used the UCAS points from that ND to get to Uni, no A levels play off for me.


To be fair, i never knew what i wanted to do either, but i did know it would involve computers because i was good with them, i was not the brighest spark at school, only got 1 GCSE grade C, rest were D's and E's

But still graduated from Uni! on a 2:1  

So just goes to show... he needs to find something he enjoys, i never felt using a PC was 'work'
Any ideas what what he enjoys?

same here

[cem_devecioglu]

Jay,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I have smacked my daughter over the years but only ever when I'm angry, I couldn't bring myself to do it otherwise. Since we started fostering about 7 years ago we have had some very challenging teenagers and smacking is not a legal option with them. I also became a manager about the same time and have employed several errant 18 year olds and I haven't smacked one of them either, although I have sacked a few.

I have come to the conclusion over this time that there is another way, although I'm not so idealistic to believe that there is one approach to cover all eventualities.

It appears to me, from what I've read here, that your stepson is lacking in motivation, self esteem and confidence. There is a reason for this and punishing him won't resolve any of these issues. It may make you feel better and he may eventually work it out for himself but it won't solve the problem.

I think that you need to try to get to the bottom of why he feels like this and perhaps you could start by looking at the theory of Abraham Maslow.

Here's a link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

This approach is not easy and you and your wife may not be emotionally up to the challenge but it will, if successful, be hugely rewarding. Please try to bear in mine that, whilst legally an adult, this lad is displaying the behaviour of a child. I have a little understanding of this subject and if it would help then I'd be only too pleased to talk to you.

Martin  

added to the reading list

[Vamps]

Jay,

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I have smacked my daughter over the years but only ever when I'm angry, I couldn't bring myself to do it otherwise. Since we started fostering about 7 years ago we have had some very challenging teenagers and smacking is not a legal option with them. I also became a manager about the same time and have employed several errant 18 year olds and I haven't smacked one of them either, although I have sacked a few.

I have come to the conclusion over this time that there is another way, although I'm not so idealistic to believe that there is one approach to cover all eventualities.

It appears to me, from what I've read here, that your stepson is lacking in motivation, self esteem and confidence. There is a reason for this and punishing him won't resolve any of these issues. It may make you feel better and he may eventually work it out for himself but it won't solve the problem.

I think that you need to try to get to the bottom of why he feels like this and perhaps you could start by looking at the theory of Abraham Maslow.

Here's a link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

This approach is not easy and you and your wife may not be emotionally up to the challenge but it will, if successful, be hugely rewarding. Please try to bear in mine that, whilst legally an adult, this lad is displaying the behaviour of a child. I have a little understanding of this subject and if it would help then I'd be only too pleased to talk to you.

Martin  

I agree, it is the basis of all, but just sometimes!!!!!!!!!